This is the first time in my life that my vote for President will matter.
I'm not talking about in the literal "every vote counts" kind of way; I'm speaking more to the general "I can vote this year before everything's been decided" kind of way.
Let's step back for a second:
In 1996, the first year I was eligible to vote for President, Bill Clinton still hadn't fumbled around with Monica Lewinsky and was running for a second term, fairly unopposed.
In 2000, Al Gore had been decided the Democratic nominee by the time the primaries reached Georgia (and we were solidly Republican in the general by the time it got to that).
In 2004, John Kerry was the nominee by the time the primaries reached North Carolina and, like in 2000, Bush was winning North Carolina no matter how many of me and my friends voted for the Giant Douche. It didn't really matter who I voted for (though I did vote, don't get me wrong).
So this year I'm really excited because, for the first time in my political life, my vote next Tuesday really matters. My family never really influenced me politically (my Dad is pretty solidly Republican (focusing on small government and fiscal conservancy) where my mom always said she voted Democrat to balance out my dad) so I feel as though I approach things from a fairly open viewpoint, even if I am a registered Democrat and lean liberal on most initiatives.
I've still voted Republican on numerous occasions (most recently for Mayor Bloomberg (twice!) before he became a GDI) and I follow my dad in the small government/fiscally conservative vein. I've been let down by politicians on both sides (most recently Elliot Spitzer, you douchenozzle). I follow my mom on liberally social programs and even though I'm against abortion, I am pro-choice. Heck, at one time one of my Reupblican friends was one-more-beer-at-the-bar away from having me convinced that Reaganomics really works!
So, all that said, I started really looking at what the candidates stood for and what they were about last fall, with the intention of picking one by the time the primary rolled around. I liked what Edwards had to say, figured I was fine with Hillary, didn't know much about Obama and didn't really take the rest of the candidates seriously. I followed the advice of a good friend and didn't limit my information to just liberal blog sites (in fact, a gay former Republican is one of my most-read sites) and took in as much information as I could.
And I picked Obama.
But with the races being as close as they are, even here in Hillary Clinton's sorta-home-state, I felt as just picking someone wasn't enough. So I've gone out and held signs, cajoled people who just want to get on the subway and talked to authentically curious people about why I picked him and why they should, too. Some people have responded kindly, some have told me I'm crazy (it is New York, after all -- if someone doesn't call you an idiot on a daily basis, you didn't leave your apartment) and most people have just avoided eye contact hoping that I wouldn't bother them and they could get on with their day. It's been quite a new experience, one I'm not really sure how I feel about.
I've always regarded politics as something particularly private: I gather my information, I make my choices and how I do that is none of your business. So in a way this feels as though I'm going against that particular belief. But I also feel as though if I want something enough (no matter what it is), I've got to be willing to stretch outside my comfort zone to get it done.
It's with that belief in mind that I've gone out and participated in the process this year. I've felt excited, intimidated, out of place and triumphant -- a whole mix of emotions. I don't still really feel "right" doing it, but I also feel it's important.
I think that's sort of the theme of my 30th year on the planet, too. I'm exploring all sorts of situations, feelings, looks and viewpoints that I've never entertained before and really doing my best to expose myself to as much as I can without thinking about it a lot beforehand. Some things have worked; some haven't.
But it's pretty neat so far.