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I get emails every day.  Tons of them.  Most are from political organizations, newspapers, blogs, pollsters, and, yes, even from presidential candidates asking me for money.  Well, just as this story was breaking this afternoon, I received this email from Hillary Clinton herself

Dear JekyllnHyde,

We had a huge night last night -- we won the biggest states and the most votes, and we are ahead in the overall race for delegates.  But this race is far from over.

We don't have time to catch our breath -- the next races are just three days away, and there are 10 more contests in February alone.

Let's meet this moment with bold action worthy of those who have put their faith in us. We are setting a big goal for the next three days: raise $3 million to fund our history-making campaign.

Thank you,

Hillary

Something, though, was missing from her email: it's a bit vanilla.  And I, like many people, prefer Haagen Daaz' creme brulee flavor.

As many of you may recall, I'm virtually Hillary's neighbor here in NW Washington, DC and the last time she invited me to lunch, I responded promptly but never heard back.  Even so, I thought what could I -- being a good neighbor and all -- do to help her realize her goal.

So, I say this to Hillary: you need a new fundraising campaign with more pizazz -- one that creates more buzz.  Or, that tall, skinny guy from Chicago will pass you by.  Don't believe me?  Here's an early indication of that.  

Here are a few 'Do's and Don'ts' for this upcoming campaign of your life.  You may want to consider using these videos in your fundraising appeals to really spice up your message


Monty Python's Flying Circus - The Money Programme!

There is nothing quite as beautiful as cash.
Some people say it's folly,
But I'd rather have the lolly,
With money you can ma-ake a splash.

For it's money money money makes the world go round.
(money,money,money,money
money,money,money,money
moneeeeeeeeeeeyyyy)

:: ::


Donna Summer - She Works Hard For The Money

She'll never sell out
She never will
Not for a dollar bill
She works hard

She works hard for the money
So hard for it honey
She works hard for the money
So you better treat her right

:: ::


ABBA - Money, Money, Money

Money, money, money
Must be funny
In the rich man's world
Money, money, money
Always sunny
In the rich man's world
Aha-ahaaa
All the things I could do
If I had a little money
It's a rich man's world

:: ::


O'Jays - For The Love of Money

Some people got to have it
Hey, Hey, Hey - some people really need it

Hey, listen to me, y'all do thangs, do thangs, do thangs - bad thangs with it
Well, you wanna do thangs, do thangs, do thangs - good thangs with it - yeah

Un Huh, talkin' bout cash money, money

Talkin' bout cash money - dollar bills y'all - come on, now

Yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah

:: ::

If nothing works, you can always use this one


Jerry Maguire

"Show me the money!"

:: ::

And finally, uh... don't use these guys to solicit money for the reception you get may not be to your liking


Pink Floyd - Money

Money, get away.
Get a good job with good pay and you’re okay.
Money, it’s a gas.
Grab that cash with both hands and make a stash.
New car, caviar, four star daydream,
Think I’ll buy me a football team.

Money, get back.
I’m all right jack keep your hands off of my stack.
Money, it’s a hit.
Don’t give me that do goody good bullshit.
I’m in the high-fidelity first class traveling set
And I think I need a lear jet.

:: ::


Tom Waits - Brother, Can You Spare a Dime?

They used to tell me I was building a dream
And so I followed the mob.
When there was earth to plow or guns to bear,
I was always there, right on the job.
They used to tell me I was building a dream
With peace and glory ahead --
Why should I be standing in line, just waiting for bread?

Brother can you spare a dime?

:: ::

Photobucket
link

"Go where the money is...and go there often."

:: ::

That's all for now, Hillary.  

You can do it.

Hang in there and good luck!

Originally posted to JekyllnHyde on Wed Feb 06, 2008 at 06:31 PM PST.

Poll

What's Your Pick to Jazz Up Hillary's Fundraising Operation?

20%13 votes
17%11 votes
1%1 votes
4%3 votes
14%9 votes
10%7 votes
21%14 votes
4%3 votes
4%3 votes

| 64 votes | Vote | Results

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Comment Preferences

  •  One Final Suggestion, Hillary (7+ / 0-)

    ... hire this guy as your campaign's top fundraiser.  In many influential circles, his name is money.

    That Terry McAuliffe guy?  Time to dump him.

    A riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma. America for Gore

    by JekyllnHyde on Wed Feb 06, 2008 at 06:31:59 PM PST

  •  There is exit polling data suggesting that (2+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    JekyllnHyde, bronte17

    Hillary's support among white men in lagging. May I suggest some Bruce Springsteen? How about "Atlantic City", a nice gloomy song to go with our impending economic crisis:

       Well I got a job and tried to put my money away
       But I've got debts that no honest [woman] can pay
       So I drew what I had from the Central Trust
       And bought us two tickets on that Coast City Bus

    Very romantic imagery, her and Bill going on a long bus ride to an unknown destination. I voted for the Donna Summer song though.

    If you plant ice, you're gonna harvest wind- J.Garcia/R.Hunter

    by beltane on Wed Feb 06, 2008 at 06:47:57 PM PST

    •  Oh yeah.. The Boss is hot... (2+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      JekyllnHyde, beltane

      I nominate Springsteen's Pay Me My Money Down as an excellent song for Hillary's campaign.

      <div style="color: #a00000;"> Our... constitutional heritage rebels at the thought of giving government the power to control men's minds. Thurgood Marshal

      by bronte17 on Wed Feb 06, 2008 at 11:41:30 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

  •  Funding plan for Clinton (2+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    JekyllnHyde, Dvalkure

    Send Bill to make a bunch of corporate speeches which charge $150,000 a pop, and then transfer it into your campaign fund.

  •  Willie Sutton - "Go where the money is... (1+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    JekyllnHyde

    Willie Sutton - "Go where the money is...and go there often"

    That is her problem. She has gone to the same small well of donors and now it is dry. Unlike the tall skinny one who have 80% of his donors who have given less than $200 and can therefore be retapped as needed.

    She spent her wad thinking that after Super Tuesday it would be smooth sailing until the General. Ouch.

  •  Thanks for the laughs! (1+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    JekyllnHyde

    And the schadenfreunde.  

  •  No no..she needs a South Park lesson from the... (1+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    JekyllnHyde

    UNDERPANTS GNOMES!

    If they're good enough to teach the boys about Capitalism, they're good enough to teach Hillary and her campaign staffers how to fund and manage a campaign!

    STAN Business? Wait, do you know anything about business?
    GNOME Sure, that's what gnomes do.
    KYLE Show us.
    GNOME O-kay. Follow me.
    [...]
    GNOME This is where all our work is done.
    CARTMAN So what are you gonna do with all these underpants that you steal?
    GNOME Collecting underpants is just phase 1. Phase 1: collect underpants.
    KYLE Sooo, what's phase 2?
    GNOME Hey, what's phase 2?
    GNOME 2 Phase 1: we collect underpants.
    GNOME Yeah yeah yeah, but. What about phase 2?
    GNOME 2 Well, phase 3 is profit. Get it?
    STAN I don't get it.
    GNOME 2 You see, phase 1 collect underpants. Phase 2: ... Phase 3: Profit.
    CARTMAN Oh, I get it.
    STAN No you don't, fatass!

    ~Doc~

    I'm not voting for Barack Obama because he's black. I'm voting for Barack Obama because he's brilliant. --Oprah Winfrey

    by EquationDoc on Wed Feb 06, 2008 at 08:22:03 PM PST

  •  PF ! (1+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    JekyllnHyde

    "If you want to go quickly, go alone.
    If you want to go far, go together.
    We have to go far, quickly."

    by shpilk on Wed Feb 06, 2008 at 08:50:24 PM PST

  •  Other: Head Like A Hole (1+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    JekyllnHyde

    Either the original NiN version, or the cover by Devo.

    God money Ill do anything for you.
    God money just tell me what you want me to.
    God money nail me up against the wall.
    God money dont want everything he wants it all.

    It's a catchy tune, anyhow.

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