Hi there. How are you today? Let me introduce myself. My name is AT&T. I am a corporation, or as I am sometimes called, a telecom.
You have probably heard a lot about me lately as my name has been bandied about in newspapers, Congress and on liberal blogs of the internet. There have been many negative things written about me so I am writing you to set everything straight.
You see, the liberal bloggers are to blame for going after me. Why? Because they believe that I spied on Americans citizens without a warrant. Well, maybe I did. So what? George W.Bush, President of the United States, asked me to do my patriotic duty and wiretap citizens. He said that I wouldn’t have to worry about any repercussions. He said that he would protect me if the liberals came after me.
Now, those darn liberals are fretting about the Constitution. You know, that part which says: that a warrant is needed for “unreasonable searches and seizures.”
Those liberals say that the lawyers on our staff should have known that we were violating the constitution when we did wiretaps without an warrant. It just goes to show how naive those liberals are.
You see, we don’t have constitutional lawyers on our staff; we have corporate lawyers on our staff. And it is their job to protect our corporation, not our constitution. Silly liberals. What do they know. The only people we are accountable to is our shareholders. The bottom line is our god. We worship the bottom line. The bottom line is the reason for our existence.
So not only did we do our patriotic duty for the president, we also considered the tit-for-tat side of things. The tit-for-tat comes into play because we want to increase our bottom line by charging more for some internet connections. The liberals are against us here. They want something called net neutrality. Ha-ha, when were corporation ever neutral? It is not in our genes to be neutral.
But, we know how to play ball. We give the president what he wants and he gives us what we want. We are not dumb. We know that Bush has those Dems in Congress so bamboozled that they will vote for anything he wants because they are afraid of looking weak. Our first goal is to get rid of those pesky lawsuits which were started by some people who don’t understand the nature of corporations. You see, we are powerful; we have money; we have connections. We will crush anyone who dares to oppose us.
So don’t mess with us; don’t mess with me. I am AT&T. I am a corporation. I am all-powerful.