The Capra classic "It's a Wonderful Life" does a great job in showing that one can make a difference in life - in the lives of those around you, a MEANINGFUL difference - even if it feels like your own life has been a disappointment, fallen short of your own goals.
In times past you had a pretty clearly defined job - knew what you were doing and the results, however humble. You probably had a pretty extended family around and were part of a larger community. You knew your co-workers and neighbors and were far more 'connected' with others on a daily basis. You likely knew most of the merchants you bought from and they knew you.
Life has changed. And though clearly we have more'stuff' - there is much we now lack. In general, life is much 'better' but seems to be 'worse' in so many ways. I can't help but wonder if this 'progress' has something to do with the rates of depression we see, an all too prevasive pessimistic outlook.
more.......
Clearly a rational person has more than enough to be depressed about.
An informed, thoughtful person SHOULD be scared to death about the future of this planet, the lives their children and grandchildren are inheriting. But - be honest - most people aren't thinking about such things. They're living in a far more localized world where in so many ways we are so very much better off.......
Let's be honest.
Standards of living are - in general, even worldwide - higher.
There's far more 'stuff' for saving work and labor - think washing machines, dryers, dishwashers, etc.
There's an endless choice for 'recreational activities' - going beyond TV, movies, cable, music in varous forms, travel, resorts, etc. Most people manage at least one or two vacations that would have been unimaginable a few generations ago.
Work for most no longer presents the very real threat of injury or death.
Medical care can accomplish what would have been considered 'miracles' only a few decades ago.
Yet few people I know are truly 'happy' or 'satisfied'. More than a few are clinically depressed and under treatment - while more than a few probably meet the criteria for such a diagnosis.
Yes, some of this existed in the past, for very good reasons. Living through the Depression or Second World War was a truly scary thing for many. You had very real reasons for worrying.
Let's look at an alternative George Baily - updated
What IF George Bailey had been some mid level executive working for Potter Inc., a Fortune 500 firm? He was lucky to get THAT spot after his previous two employers were merged/acquired. (The family business had been bought up in the S&L crisis in the 80's when it went bankrupt).
What if he worked 60 hours a week and lived in a townhouse where he knew NOBODY else. He's a real oddball still being married to his HS sweetheart but he sees his wife for only a few hours before he goes to sleep and is missing much of his kids' life because his commute is 2 hours - he's gone before they got up and back after they were asleep.....
He's unlikely to have known Oscar or Ernie - though maybe he'd have seen Violet as a client now and then......
His crazy old uncle would've been institutionalized years ago, unable to hold a job and too much work for any family member to take care of... and that druggist did go to prison because George wasn't working after school... he was at an SAT review class. Yes George made it to college but never did travel the world - student loans have to be repaid.
Let's explore that possibilty further..... Let's look at different aspects of life:
WORK
'Work' for many is difficult to even define. Just what DO you do - what is the tangible result of your labor?
And does it matter?
I know for a fact that much of what I accomplished in my 'working' career - which I CAN define pretty well - is pretty much moot today. Companies change and fold. The work you once did has little lasting impact. Even at the time, it was nothing that really changed someone's life for the better or worse. You feel like you're some cog in some huge machine.....
There's a certain level of satisfaction in being a farmer, or building something or making something tangible. Teaching someone leaves a mark. Being a doctor or nurse and treating the ill is tangible - something wonderful but increasingly frustrating.
Even 'good jobs' have their downsides.
Even a lowly foundry worker could once point to a manhole cover in the street and say "I made that." What does a junior systems analyst point to - assuming he's not in India? I rather doubt that filling shelves in Walmart matches working in the old family hardware store or market where you did a range of jobs and interacted with other people.
And few jobs are secure nowadays... there's always the worry that you won't be doing what you're doing now tomorrow - or at least doing it for the same employer.
Stability is an oft underrated attribute. There's a LOT of good in having a stable work environment..... in knowing that you have a job and will always HAVE a job - that you can do a good job, get better at it and be rewarded appropriately. Now you don;t just have to worry about your employer, your very job may disappear - requiring that you 'start over' - not once but perhaps many times in your life. Sorry but 'starting over' is NOT what most 50 - or even 40 year olds want to do. It's NOT easy.
The concept of physical labor is an anathema for many - though they pay good money to join a gym and perform far less functional 'work'. Nonetheless, there's a certain Zen-like feeling to say, digging a drywell, or stacking stones into a wall. I LOVE carpentry and being able to design and make something functional.
But NO job should be your whole life - even if you love it.
Some people who are tremendously 'successful' have NO life outside work. I pity the 30 something who's making 6 or 7 figures a year but remains unmarried, not even dating regularly. My wife and I had each other to come home to and shared in our early challenges and successes. We GREW together sharing all of that. Too many of these people if and when they do marry have no idea how to live WITH another in a relationship and it is far too easy to default to 'my' life and 'yours'.
FAMILY
"Relationships" are far fewer and less involved now. Family is less important - and far more likely to have spread outgeographally. I grew up with grandparents, uncles and aunts and cousins nearby. Extended families are now a novel thing - an alien concept for most children who may know grandparents only through annual visits and be oblivious to the dozens of cousins they have all over the place.
Marriages often don't last - to the detriment of all involved. It is truly depressing to enter one's 50's without someone by your side..... looking at my own family I'm astounded at how marriages stayed intact even when there were valid reasons for dissolution. I have a friend facing divorce at 52 and can't imagine his situation. My wife and I have been through so much, shared and overcome so much, accomplished so much together, I can't imagine NOT having her around. We're not the same people we started out as but then who ever is after 30 years? I can't envision 'starting over' with someone else at this point. Frankly, it would scare the hell out of me.
COMMUNITY
Local 'communities' where you live are often nonexistent. People that work 60-80 hours a week rarely see ANYONE outside their job or commute and regularly relocating workers rarely stay anywhere long enough to get to know anyone. My mother lived in a townhouse development in suburban DC for a decade and knew only a handful of other residents. A far cry from the streets she grew up on where everyone knew everybody.
Many people have no idea who their neighbors are - and given the self-centered behavior practiced by far too many - many of us know our neighbors only through their horrid and obliviously rude behavior. "Why CAN'T I blast my stereo - it's MY apartment!"
Even when you try to 'do the right thing' and volunteer in various civic endeavors, it can be frustrating and unrewarding. My own kids have turned out well - I'm immensely proud of them. But being involved with various youth groups can be asking for trouble. Your own motives are suspect to some - and the behavior of some of the kids involved (which directly or indirectly YOU may be responsible for) can be horrid. I've done much with Scouts (though I have real issues with BSA as an organization) and have been put in horribly awkward situations by kids refusing to follow clear rules, wandering off or doing something blatantly unsafe. In past years a conversation with the child - or their parent - would have solved the problem. Now you have irate parents complaining that you are being 'unreasonable'. I was asked to help out an after school club where a band saw and other tools were in use - after seeing the barely managed chaos I opted out not wanting any part of the HUGE liability issues I saw - issues the school was NOT willing to confront.
Our local HeadStart program is now serving half the kids they had 5 years ago. Both the Federal Government and local city government have done little to support this group - with the local Mayor actively impeding its efforts to build a long overdue building. It's hard to get others to help when those officially involved are working AGAINST the cause.
So................
We have done well in life by most measures but honestly, I am less than thrilled with our life for many of the reasons cited above. I suppose I should feel pretty good about things but I worry. and I admit that most people have FAR more to worry about.... just saying that if I'm a bit worried and depressed.... well... I'm not alone here and if this is the mood here I hate to think how others are feeling about things
Our upper middle class burb has some great people living here - some truly accomplished and wonderful people. It's more stable than many others with a sense of community and continuity. But most of those I'm thinking of are older and will say the same think I'm thinking. The younger residents are self-centerd and obnoxious.... and when you hear the 'older' Junior Leaguers complaining about the 'new' ones.... well....lol, the irony of it all....
The older residents were likely to buy heating oil on budget plans when they moved in and even most of the attorneys actually stripped the woodwork in these old places.... the new owners never get THEIR hands dirty..... even changing diapers. That's what nannies are for.
This is most definitely NOT the neighborhood I grew up in and I find the people I DO like leaving.
My wife has done very well in her career and has a relatively 'secure' position but you can see her company's culture changing - not for the better. "It's not fun anymore, it's not what it used to be" - which may sound a bit whiney but this is coming from someone who's put up with some real AWFUL jobs in her life.... It IS sad to see the changes underway, knowing that the eventual outcome is unlikely to be good but being unable to change the eventual outcome. And as in too many situations this is due to a few acting for their own personal 'benefit' to the detriment of the larger company. Yeah... work REALLY sucks for most but the larger question is WHY? and SHOULD IT?
What happened to that "I do a good job and I HAVE a good job" security that used to exist?
At this point, instead of knowing the future is stable and 'safe' there's a subconscious urge to prepare for the worst......
And for how many people is 'the worst' something they're already going through, have been through or are expecting just over the horizon?
My own immediate family is great and to a certain extent we benefit from a larger extended family - though (like many) there are issues and conflicts at work. With my own parents dead, I (as the oldest - try NOT for that position in birth order) got stuck dealing with some serious unaddressed issues - like a mentally ill brother. I have to work on getting over the accrued resentment.....
I worry for my kids. The oldest is TOO 'driven' - though we've tried to rein him back. He's brilliant, a truly 'good' kid, but the pressures he feels and what he's going through at school is far different than what we his parents faced.
Even some of the best kids are making a mess of things with alcohol and drugs..... the 'keeping up' is absurd with kids driving brand new cars that I wouldn't buy.... He's found a good group - but it's small.... and I know he's going through a lot. He desperately wants to be 'like everyone else' not seeing how remarkable he is and how great he is, as he is.
Frankly I feel like my job as a parent is to keep the school system from screwing him up - or failing him - which it's done far too many times. He's almost done with HS but the youngest is only half-way through.....
I don't know if I have the energy to fight the necessary fights remaining. And most involved, concerned parents I know feel the same..... they're doing THEIR jobs as parents watching schools - supposedly 'good' schools - repeatedly show their incompetence. You have to CONSTANTLY pay attention to make sure that 'the right thing' gets done.... A mother I know was lamenting that her 10th grader had so many free periods that he couldn't get into all the Honors classes he was qualified for..... How was that possible I thought? But then I knew - each year we had to go and fight to make SURE our son got what he was supposed to get. Unquestioning parents would have let the 'data entry error' omitting Honors Science go without question, or not have fought to make sure that he did NOT have so many 'free periods' - which he did NOT want - and got electives he DID want.
Parents of special needs kids find their battle never-ending - one catching the School District trying to avoid meeting state mandates. Another whose child was exempt from foreign language requirements had to FIGHT to get her child IN a foreign language, one they WANTED to take.
I suppose I'm hitting on a recurring theme here - a feeling of 'powerlessness' at times in simply getting things done that should be done.... It is an almost Quixote-like dream to expect employers, schools, local governments, ANYONE to simply 'listen' and 'do the right thing' - even if 'the right thing' is simply doing their clearly defined job.
The frustration that explodes in some people is understandable....... yet our society tries to paint the more extreme 'outbursts' as the product of some deranged mind - refusing to acknowledge our society's role in creating the problem that exploded.
How many people 'went postal' in years past? Why do they do so now? Many feel they've been wronged, mistreated and that NOBODY LISTENED to what they felt were valid and real complaints.
How many of the kids letting lose, striking back, have been 'outcasts' - bullied and marginalized by others, sufferring quietly for years - FINALLY doing SOMETHING that could not be ignored.
Our society has changed dramatically in the last 50 years - with 'the individual' too often taking precedence over 'community'. You have the right to do almost ANYTHING - and too many do so ignoring the consequences. They feel no duty or obligation to the 'community' - and the 'community' now takes the position that 'it's every man for themself.' And God help those that can't compete in the resulting rat race......
Humans are social creatures - they want to 'belong' but there's little to 'belong TO' anymore. As noted, extended families are a rarity. Work is no longer the 'community' it once was.
I worked in the Bronx for some time in a large factory - a printer. The 'inspection rooms' - where women sat and inspected printed sheets - were real communities. These women were closer to each other than their husbands. They'd worked together for DECADES - a real rarity today.
My mother worked for the same company for 30 years - and with many of the same people - this in a Fortune 500 corporation. Her experience would be unlikely today.
Most of the men in my family worked for ONE employer for most of their lives - in the SAME location. How odd would that be today? I worked for a half dozen companies in my working career. None ever felt 'secure' in the sense that one expected to work there 'forever'.
People WANT to feel like they 'count' - that they 'matter.' They want - need - to be recognized for what they've accomplished, yet most of us go through life ignored and unacknowledged - too often doing the same to others.
Many people have reason to think that little WOULD change if they'd 'never been born'.
And THAT puts a whole new spin on George Bailey's life.....