From the top floor of the Alton Weekly Inquirer Action EyeWitness NewsCenter On Your Side, in the true-blue state of Illinois....
Proposed John McCain slogans and talking points:
- One-term president, two-term Wal-Mart greeter.
- McCain: Now with less POW angst.
- War, not platitudes.
- McCain for McPresident. McNow.
- 99 billion creepy smiles served.
- I did not have Senatorial relations with my girlfriend.
- I still believe in a place called the Panama Canal Zone.
The return of Doc's Cheers and Jeers MONDAY begins behind There's More! (Cue the theme music!) Right.....NOW!
DISCLAIMER: AAbshier's Cheers and Jeers are not affiliated in any way, shape, or form, with Bill in Portland Maine's Cheers and Jeers. The use of the words JEERS and CHEERS , the swoosh/gong device, pie references, lusty wenches, insults to Delaware Dem, mattress references, whomps, moist, and flicked peas are all used with permission of Bill in Portland Maine and the members of the C&J Café community. Any further resemblances to BiPM`s Cheers and Jeers are deliberately coincidental. So there.
NOTE: The theme music was composed by Virgomusic, and was performed by the Virgo-McDoc All-Electron Philharmonic Orchestra (now with theremin!).
Doc's Bad Joke of the Week!
(in the gray box so you can avoid it and not miss anything else)
An Indian consulted his medicine man about a pain in his stomach that had persisted for three months.
"For something as long as that," said the Medicine Man, "I have a more drastic remedy than the herbs I normally prescribe. Chew on this leather thong every day. It is 31 inches long: chew one inch every day, and at the next moon come back."
The Indian dutifully did as directed, and at the next moon he returned to the Medicine Man.
"How do you feel?" the Medicine Man asked.
"The thong is ended, but the malady lingers on."
Finally, a worthy successor to Katherine Harris! Brock Olivo: Pure. Comedy. Gold.
I see our man Brock once played for the Detroit Lions. That should help him with his 2008 run, since we now know he has experience with losing causes!
Cheers to the first dirt* surfacing on Brock Olivo, running on the Republican side of the MO-9 Congressional race. Nick Davis, a blogger from Kansas City, has fond memories of the social studies class graduate:
I have very interesting memories of Brock Olivo. He used to come to our fraternity parties and try to steal bottles of liquor. Then he'd want to fight us all.
A fine GOP congressman he will make!
Indeed. He should fit right in with the Republican caucus.
*Aside from never having voted in an election, of course.
Jeers to the emptiest of suits. The St. Louis Post-Dispatch's Vahe Gregorian interviewed Brock ("That's Brock with one syllable," he says) for a story appearing yesterday. In the interview, he finally came up with a platform:
"I'm a fiscal conservative who's going to cut through red tape and stand up to special interests," said Olivo, who compared special interests to a blitzing linebacker and his constituents to a quarterback he's determined to protect.
That vagueness leaves some wondering what else there is. When Olivo says people "just need to hear me," it's not yet clear what he'll have to say.
Can you see him trying to ape JFK? Instead of "the torch has been passed," you'll get something like, "the QB picked up the safety blitz and dumped off the ball to his third reciever." Please, please, please, let him win the primary!
But wait....there's more!
Jeers to Adam Putnam, the Evil Opie of Lakeland (R-FL-12). Apparently he is rather peeved at all the retirements (25 at last count) on his side of the House caucus:
Not since 1958 has a political party in the House minority faced such an uphill battle to merely keep the number of seats it has, much less gain ground on the majority.
"These retirements certainly have an impact on morale, and they are not particularly helpful," acknowledged Putman, who, as GOP conference chairman, ranks as the chamber's No. 3 Republican.
Cheer up, Adam. There's always the Minority Leader slot! (via Florida Politics)
Cheers to Democrats on the march. The same article linked above mentions that the Democrats are poised to gain a further 8 to 12 House seats in the fall election--and that does not take into account the special elections coming up in Illinois, Indiana, and California. Yearrrrgh!
Jeers to McCain's new Christianist BFF, John Hagee. Archpundit has a good roundup of this decidedly frightening television preacher's more notorious utterances. He introduces one video clip of Hagee by stating that he "makes John Bolton look like Woodrow Wilson."
(And Louis Farrakhan's endorsement of Obama, which Obama neither sought nor embraced, is a big deal why?)
Cheers to fertile imaginations. The So-Called Austin Mayor posted this animated GIF created by someone called the Sandman:
Cheers to an oxymoron: a thoughtful conservative. While researching another topic, I ran across this post on a site called Eject! Eject! Eject! written after the 2006 midterms:
We have to accept the fact that the conservatives we sent to Congress in 1994 became the bloated, earmarking, tone-deaf toads of 2006. They thought they could do whatever they wanted, regardless of what their constituents think, and now they have been reminded of just who is working for whom. Remedying that sense of isolation and disconnect and unchecked power is why we have elections in the first place, and as to the consequences of it, we have no one to blame but ourselves. That imperial attitude is not unique to Republicans or Democrats. That is human nature, and correcting the excesses of human nature only becomes more costly and painful the longer it is allowed to go on. Democracy is error-correcting.
It's rather amazing reading, considering that he links approvingly to sites like LGF and the Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler. I don't see Free Republic on his list, though--thoughts like the above surely got him banned from there!
Cheers or Jeers--depending on who you support--to Jack Nicholson, who cut this ad featuring, you guessed it, Jack Nicholson, in support of Hillary Clinton:
(Backstory here.)
Big Jeers to playing the fear card, on steroids:
This charming banner is from TX-22 Republican candidate Brian Klock, who, as the Pensito Review reports, has no apologies for it:
"Showing Houston in flames is reminding them there is a threat," he added. "What we wanted to do is project mayhem."
Jeebus. There's nine other R's running on their side of the primary, so maybe someone will clean his Klock. (you KNEW that was coming.)
Your Inky pic of the first of the week:
Floor's Open! What do you have to Cheer and Jeer about today?