You might have heard about this, but if you haven't, the Vatican has added the Seven New Social Sins to their repertoire of proselytizing. Previously, they had been: Lust, Gluttony, Greed, Sloth, Wrath, Envy, and Pride. Punishments for these sins, according to official Vatican documents, were dismemberments, thrown in snake pits, made to eat rats, or smothered in fire. Those were SO 6th century Gregorian, so the Vatican announced 7 new deadly sins. It seems that... lo and behold... we were right all along! Christianity, and Jesus himself, are really Liberals!
Here is the new list, as well as my further amended list.
Pollution: Ladies and gentlemen, the Vatican has gone green! It is now a sin to pollute. Environmentally friendly sacrament, hemp Habits, maybe a hybrid Popemobile? I'm looking forward to what the Vatican has in store. Some say that the Vatican has been more... well, progressive about pollution since Pope John Paul.
Causing Social Injustice: I didn't know John Edwards was running for Pope! But I thought Hurricane Katrina was BECAUSE of the homosexuals and feminists. I didn't know it was a sign from God that we needed to HELP those people! Why can't you just give me a sign, God??
Causing Poverty: Tax cuts for the rich are, apparently, a grave sin. So John McCain wasn't going to hell--that is, before he was going to hell.
Becoming Obscenely Wealthy: You mean we SHOULDN'T elect someone whose father was already a President, whose father's father was a massive industrialist who was involved in the Business Plot to overthrow FDR, who owned a baseball team before he became President? You mean that's not right? Wow, you had me fooled, Pope!
Taking Drugs: Everyone, put down the yayo. It's time to stop doing drugs.
Genetic Engineering: After all, if God wanted us to be smart enough experiment on humans, he would have made us smart enough to do it... err.... if God wanted to put the human race in trouble by allowing population to boom and not having enough food, he would have... err... shit. Alright, folks, bunsen burners are now not only a fire hazard, but also a DEADLY SIN!!!!!
Abortion: Alright, alright, they may be becoming more liberal, but they're not there yet. I guess they're pro-unwanted children, and because they shun science, they don't realize that until a certain point, it's physically impossible for a fetus to even have consciousness. Progressives believe in progress. C'mon, Vatican, get with the times!
and last but not least....
PEDOPHILIA! Methinks thou dost protest too much.
Well, the Catholic Church has made more and more steps over to the left. The Pope was against the war. The Church is now going green, and they are becoming more and more populist. Have they come all the way? Not yet. But they'll get there. Maybe next time I go into confession, I won't have to say, "You first."
But here are my Seven Deadly Sins.
Hypocrisy. It's an all-encompassing sin. Read: The Catholic Church decrying pedophilia.
Greed. Sometimes, the sequel just isn't as good. I think they should have kept greed.
Arrogance. We've had 7 years of it. Time to make it a deadly sin.
Causing harm to animals. We've always been taught to do no harm, but so many Christian festivals involve the systematic slaughter of animals. Time to put it to a stop!
Ignorance. Read a book, damnit! Not just the Good Book either. Cormac McCarthy, George Saunders, Jhumpa Lahiri are some good suggestions.
Racism/Sexism. Seems like we could also attribute these to any other sin, because they fall into the categories of hypocrisy and green and arrogance and ignorance, but they're worth making specific.
Being warlike in life or in policy. War should never be brought upon in an impulsive manner, as we now know all too well, but don't go to war with yourself or with others in your life. Always try to resolve problems without getting angry. When tempers flare, nobody wins.
So, let's hear some suggestions. What some of YOUR new sins for the new world??