The Clinton campaign got a boost yesterday by picking up the endorsement of iconic Italian political philosopher Niccolo Machiavelli. Impressed by her brilliantly brazen campaign tactics, Dr. Machiavelli thought that this was the best time to express his views on the American presidential race.
"More than any other candidate in the race, Senator Clinton exhibits the essence of the qualities of ideal leadership I expounded in The Prince," Machiavelli was quoted as saying to a Florentine journalist Thursday evening. Pressed for specifics, Dr. Machiavelli cited a pattern of advertisements and campaign surrogate press statements designed to spread memes among the American populace relating to Islam and militant black nationalism. "Fear is the single most powerful human emotion motivating people's political actions," Dr. Machiavelli explained.
"Senator Clinton first caught my attention in 2002 when she abandoned her personal beliefs and voted for the invasion of Iraq, correctly surmising that voting against a successful war would be far more damaging to her presidential ambitions than voting for a disastrous one," Machiavelli added. The stunning announcement raised eyebrows among pundits, as the revered political scientist endorsed a Democratic hopeful for the first time since the seventies, when the governance of former President Richard Nixon converted Machiavelli to the Republican side of the aisle.
After a poll conducted among members netted him over 80% of the vote, the website "votefortheworst.com" formally endorsed Senator John McCain for President late Thursday evening. The move comes nearly two months after the defeat of former Massachusetts governor Mitt Romney in the Republican primary, whom the reknowned website originally supported. "After flip-flopping on the issue of torture, taking strong stances in favor of NAFTA and the Bush tax cuts in the face of vanishing manufacturing jobs and exploding deficits, and pledging the continuation of the Iraq war along with teasing voters with the prospect of wars with Iran and Russia, most of our members are finally convinced that Senator McCain really is the worst candidate still in the race," a website spokesperson explained to reporters. He continued, "the majority of those doubting Senator McCain's worthiness of the endorsement, due to his status as a heroic veteran of the Vietnam War, finally relented upon witnessing the Senator's consistent embrace of religious zealots like John Hagee."
When reporters questioned the continued viability of the website to influence presidential elections, in light of the failure of their favorite in the Republican primaries, the spokesperson countered, "while the defeat of Romney constituted the first loss of a candidate endorsed by votefortheworst.com for president, we note that we also supported the successful candidacies of George W. Bush in 2000 and 2004. Additionally, we came out in favor of Bush as early as 1999, well before the winnowing of the 2000 Republican field of presidential hopefuls occurred." The website was founded in 1998, but a straw poll revealed that most site members favored Pat Buchanan in the 1996 Republican primary before settling on Bob Dole in the general election.
With these high-profile endorsements of his two principal rivals for the presidency, Senator Barack Obama now faces the daunting task of keeping pace by obtaining an endorsement from a giant such as Al Gore, Jimmy Carter, John Edwards, or Nancy Pelosi.