You know, as an Obama supporter, it was one thing to have Hillary's Voldemortish-like presence hover over my house like a malevolent, Bill-filled blimp, blocking out the very stars at night; and I could deal with her hiring gangs of DLC-friendly teens to pelt my house with wads of crumpled photos of Obama in traditional garb; I could even work around the megaphone-equipped van cruising my neighborhood at 3 a.m. blasting Fleetwood Mac and clips of her explaining the details of her health care plan. But now she's gone too far.
I just renewed my passport, and here's what I see in the place where my photo should be:
Now, granted, I have a ponytail--ONE ponytail. And yes, my eyes are the same soft, alluring brown you see in the pic above. And I sport a goatee. But anyone who knows me knows my teeth are in much better shape than that, and that I don't smile that broadly. Ever.
And, um, excuse me, but violet hair scrunchies? Violet?! What the hell do I look like, some colorblind, tasteless, fashion-blind idiot?
Don't answer that.
The point is, this thing has the Arkansian stink of Clinton-esque skullduggery all over it, and I for one am disgusted.
If the Clinton camp wanted to embarass me, there were plenty of other ways to do it without tampering with my passport--they could have exposed me as the organizer of Elkhart Indiana's annual Barry Manilow Fest, for instance. They could have linked me with Milli Vanilli, and dredged up that whole debacle from years ago. And yes, they could have outed me on Daily Kos for who I really am:
--a humble actor just trying to make a living in a dog-eat-dog town.
But no, that wasn't evil enough. They wanted to go there, and they went there. And now I won't be able to get past a customs agent in three hemispheres without being laughed out of the terminal.
Thanks, HRC. I hope you're happy. Enjoy your little phyrric victory while it lasts, because I am SO siccing the Huffington Post on you for this. Don't laugh! I have friends there, smarty-pants-suit!