Did Barack really call for a conversation about race? I thought that was Bill Clinton in the 90s. Anyway, whoever's idea, it stinks. We'd be better off sweeping this one under the rug and have a conversation about something else.
Did you know that if you make tea out of pine needles, you can avoid scurvy? You know, when you're snowed in Siberia for 6 months. And if you are lost at sea, it's okay to drink one cup of salt water per day. Any more and you'll go crazy, but one cup is okay.
Well, we talked about a few survival essentials. Anything else you guys want to talk about? Race? Oh shit.
BLACK: Since this is a conversation about race, I think it's good to begin the discussion and look at white reactions to the recent controversy...
LATINO: Don't you know it? Conversation about race and the Black person wants to take over, Black person talking to the White guy and we get left out.
BLACK: Let me finish my point. Let's not squabble too much about race. In fact, if you factor out education and income and wealth, most differences in key economic and educational predictors between Whites and Blacks, and Hispanics for that matter, are statistically insignificant.
LATINO: Latino, not Hispanic.
HISPANIC: Hispanic is fine, you wannabe White Mexican. We didn't come here by choice. Puerto Rico was invaded by the United States.
MEXICAN: Maybe if you weren't out fighting with each other, you could have...
WHITE LIBERAL: Maybe each group should go and caucus among the themselves and pick one representative for the conversation. Otherwise, we might not get anywhere.
BLACK: How come I am the only Black person anyway?
WHITE CONSERVATIVE: Good question. Who picked the people in this conversation? Definitely the White liberal. That comment by the Black guy was a pretty intelligent remark and as we know, most Black people wouldn't say something like that. In fact, they couldn't say something like that, as study after study has shown. I would like to clear the room, get that stringer out of here, and get a proper, fake-ass-African name, Farrakan-loving, keeping-it-real, down-with-whitey, Black guy who thinks the government invented AIDS and have a good old-fashioned slug-fest.
ASIAN: When is it my turn?
WHITE LIBERAL: Just so you know, we did look for a Black conservative.
BLACK LIBERAL: I think he went out for a smoke.
WHITE CONSERVATIVE: Sure, with you PC Nazis running this "conversation" a guy can't even have a smoke in here. This whole operation is a set up to under mind basic American values.
BLACK LIBERAL: Anyway, let's let the Asian have a chance.
WHITE CONSERVATIVE: Okay, that does it. No regular Black guy is going to let the Asian have a turn in a conversation about race. The White Liberal is completely under minding this "conversation" by stacking the guest list with these outliers. The Liberal went out and found the one, reasonable, educated Black guy to make his points and it's a complete set up. But okay, let's let the Asia have his turn.
ASIAN: Her turn.
WHITE CONSERVATIVE: What is this? A conversation about race or a conversation about gender?
BLACK LIBERAL: Also, I'm a not a "guy" either.
WHITE CONSERVATIVE: What's your name, by the way?
BLACK LIBERAL: Erika.
WHITE CONSERVATIVE: More evidence, as if it were needed.
WHITE LIBERAL: Evidence of what?
WHITE CONSERVATIVE: Nothing.
WHITE LIBERAL: No really, what? We can't have a proper conversation if you don't say what you really think.
WHITE CONSERVATIVE: No, forget it. Nothing.
FRENCH GUY: Typical, typical. In France, we don't look at whether someone is Black or White. This is typical American. In America, the only job for the Black man is to be the open to open the door for you.
WHITE CONSERVATIVE: Bullshit.
BLACK LIBERAL: Yeah, I think that's probably is bullshit.
LATINO: Sure is bullshit. The Mexican holds the door for you.
HISPANIC: Unless he needs a green card, then they get the Puerto Rican.
WHITE LIBERAL: I don't think the French guy should be in here. This conversation is for American citizens and legal residents only.
HISPANIC: Then what's the Mexican doing in here?
LATINO: I'm a native born American citizen, you Puerto Rican son of a ...
WHITE CONSERVATIVE: Oh shit! The Hispanics can get their crap straight. Should have got a Cuban, White Liberal, but know, you tried to stack the deck.
WHITE LIBERAL: I tried to get a Cuban. But they were all White. Or Black.
ASIAN: Is it my turn yet?
BLACK CONSERVATIVE: Hey guys, sorry I'm late. I got pulled over for driving too slowly.
PUKA-PUKAN: Probably because of you socio-economic status, not race, just ask the unrepresentative Black Liberal that was hand picked by the White Liberal.
NATIVE AMERICAN:
WHITE LIBERAL: Did you hear something?
BLACK LIBERAL: I thought I heard something.
WHITE CONSERVATIVE: Why don't you two find a room so we can have a proper conversation here?
MUSLIM: I was thinking...
JEW: This is a conversation about race, not religion.
MUSLIM: My bad. I'll come back when I'm Black.
JEW: No, you can stay but you can stay as a Muslim. You don't have to be Black.
MUSLIM: What about you? You going to be something else other than the Jew?
JEW: Yeah, but while I'm still the Jew, I just wanted to say that the tragic thing about the situation in the middle east is that the innocent people are the ones that suffer on both sides.
MUSLIM: Absolutely. In Israel, just trying to have a cup of coffee, or in Gaza.
PUKA-PUKAN: Well, we solved the Palestinian-Israeli conflict, but that was easy.
ASIAN: So that means it's my turn now?