I solved the whole thing. You can thank me later, don't worry.
With everyone carrying on about the mess caused by the Michigan and Florida legislatures' impasse regarding how to seat their unwelcome delegates, the answer is staring us right in the face:
Let residents of Michigan vote in Pennsylvania, and let residents of Florida vote in North Carolina.
I'm sure you have some questions, because you look like the sort of troublemaker who would dare question my wisdom. Let me ask them for you and answer them in a Rumsfeldian kinda way, below the fold.
"But ThatsNotFunny," you may say, in a somewhat raspy yet sexy Kathleen Turner circa 1986 voice, "those states are kinda far from each other."
Yes! They are. But that will simply reduce voter fraud. Who's going to schlepp all that way to vote as someone else?
"Seriously, how are they going to get down (or up) there?"
Let the MI and FL State Democratic committees pay for the busses. Any added costs incurred by the Host states would be made up in added tourism dollars. Come for the Democratic Process, stay for the Hershey Bars and NASCAR!
"But we have NASCAR in Florida already"
Um... how about the world-class Golf Courses?
"Have you ever even BEEN to Florida? It's full of retired people, they're up to their eyeballs in golfballs."
Right... okay, there's...Hilton Head? No, crap... that's South Carolina.
"They do have the world's largest chest of drawers"
Please, call it a 'bureau', we don't want another pie fight on our hands.
"Sorry. Back to your crazy-ass idea. After we've schlepped Floridians and Michiganders to their host states, what then?"
In order to avoid overcrowding already heavily populated cities, the residents of each city will be sent to towns in their host state that have an inversely proportional population rank to their own.
For example, residents of Otter Creek, FL, population 121, will be sent to Raleigh. Meanwhile, the 53 Caucasian men and women of Beargrass, NC will eagerly host the entire city of Miami.
"Yeah, I can see THAT going over well!"
The sexy Kathleen Turner thing is nice, but I can still sense the sarcasm there!
"I was laying it on pretty thick there. Anyway, so you've got everyone to the polls, how will the officials at the polling station know who's eligible to vote?"
They'd just show proof of Florida or Michigan residency to the poll workers. Drivers License, utility bill, library card, etc.
"But what's to stop someone from voting twice?"
Ah, that's where the paintballs come in. Once you've voted as an out-of-state entity, you're immediately shot in the arm with an indelible iridescent paintball. Kinda like the purple fingers in Iraq, but this IS Pennsylvania and North Carolina we're talking about.
"So after all that is done, how do you split those Michigan and Florida Deligates?"
Use the same proportion as the Pennsylvania and North Carolina vote results. Since Hillary is the favorite in Pennsylvania and Obama is expected to clinch North Carolina, it should be a fair distribution of delegates.
"Wow, ThatsNotFunny, I think you covered all the bases. It's quite an ingenious plan. I'm going to email a copy of this to Chairman Dean right now. You're the best!"
Aren't I? By the way, I loved you in Romancing the Stone.
"Thanks. Did you see Baby Geniuses?"
Um, I gotta go...