John McCain is old. Really old. In fact, if he were to be elected, he'd be the oldest President ever to be elected.
But it's not just his age that should concern voters. It's his mental instability.
Here's what we know:
- He's easily confused. He often has to rely on others to keep him straight.
- He has anger management issues. When he doesn't get his way, he responds the only way he knows how. Fisticuffs.
- He's hasn't always been nice to his wife. Pardon me...I meant wives.
- He hasn't always used sound judgment
- He's willing to go to great lengths to try and prove that he's not bat shit crazy.
The media isn't buying any of this and is presenting McCain as this Teddy Roosevelt-type leader with a strong backbone and mental toughness (which is funny because T. Roosevelt was the youngest President ever to take office). Ladies and gentlemen, it's time we make the old-bat-shit-crazy man label stick to Senator McCain.
"Swiftboating" was the term derived from the 2004 Presidential campaign. This year, the word 'swiftboating' will forever give way to the new term "ONION-BELTING".
I'm not sure if Abe Simpson's (from the TV show 'The Simpsons') age has ever been revealed, but he's old. But it's not his old age that makes him a humorous character. He's a tad senile, every bit crazy and extremely bitter. Not to mention, he's also misogynistic and violent. And even worse (or better for the entertainment value), he will go through great lengths to try to prove that he's none of the above. Now who does this sound like?
There's a Simpson's episode where Grandpa Simpson reminisces about wearing an onion belt when he was younger. It's classic Abe Simpson, and if you haven't heard the story before, you're about to. But the point is, McCain is Abe Simpson. McCain, like Abe, isn't just old enough to have worn an onion belt...McCain is crazy enough to have worn one then and to now openly reminisce about wearing onion belts.
I'm by no means the firstto suggest this line of strategery. As Chris bowers put it,
"The "old" narrative against McCain is insufficient: we need to turn him into a Bush-loving, bomb-Iran, Iraq fo-ev-ah version of Grandpa Simpson. While I love the "Iraq is hurting the economy" line, when it comes to branding McCain, a psychotic Abe Simpson seems to be the way to go."
Let's onion belt the distinguished gentleman from Arizona all summer long.
So here is my contribution. 4 videos of Grandpa Abe McCain ranting about various things (including onion belts). They may be a tad crude, and I wasn't really concerned with the lip syncing, but I digress. Roll the tape...
- The Onion Belt. Some of you may have already seen this, as it's already been posted in a few comments. But here's old man McCain talking about his onion belt.
- Matlock! Who else would McCain possibly want to nominate to the next open Supreme Court seat?
- The College Republicans. Oh, how the youngsters love their Gramps! They soak in his every word. How they wish they could all go to battle like Abe McCain did when he was younger...but they all have 'bum knees' and 'asthma'. As for McCain, he loves tellin' them stories of the way we wuz.
- The Metric System. Don't EVER get McCain started about that commie measurin' system.
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Enjoy, my friends. And spread the word. Senator Grandpa Abe McCain may have crossed that CIC threshold; but if he did, it's only because senility can sometimes cause elderly folk to wander into places where they don't belong.