I want the Daily Kos community to be the first to know that I'm prepared to drop my run for the White House if Senator Obama pays me several million dollars. It's true that, mathematically, I've essentially been eliminated (although I could win all the remaining pledged delegates, flip all of the supers, and then convince some of the pledged delegates to vote for me). But, let's say, for argument's sake, that doesn't happen.
I'm willing to graciously step aside and support the Obama/Bowl ticket in 2008, a ticket that I believe will be successful. As a white male Buddhist, I can offer the religious white male vote pretty convincingly. And, while Maryland is not a swing state, it's technically part of the south, so I think that's pretty good, too.
Look, I've been meeting with my advisers all day, and we've come to the conclusion that the party would be better off united, but, you see, there's got to be something in it for me. So, here are a list of things that I expect to get out of this (other than being Vice President and receiving several million dollars, obviously).
- The right to pick the rest of the cabinet. I'll give you the transportation secretary, though, as a sign of generosity.
- A nice cushy job for Mrs. Zen. Something that keeps her busy, you know, but also something prestigious. Ambassador to the United Nations, for example.
- Adoption of all of my major domestic and international initiatives, in particular, my health care program, my universal veterinary program, and my bill requiring high speed rail from Washington DC to the homes of my children's grandparents in Ohio and Florida (those are swing states, I think, so that should be pretty cool by them anyway. Another bonus for Obama/Bowl '08, my advisers say I should add. I do have the benefit of having several home states).
- My own bedroom in the White House. The commute from the Observatory is a bitch, even with the motorcade.
- Also, my office should be referred to as "The Rectangle Office" just like the Oval Office. And we all know that rectangles are more efficient uses of space. OK, just saying.
- Lastly, I want a trip in the space shuttle.
I call this the "Unity Ticket", because it unites me with all that great stuff. And, of course, it would best serve the interests of the party and all that other crap.
Senator Obama, I'm awaiting your call. Let's make Obama/Bowl '08 a reality.