Fellow members of the DailyKos community, I wish I were writing to you under happier circumstances. Unfortunately, however, there is a dark and heavy cloud hanging over us and I feel that it must be addressed.
I am certain by now that you have heard the disturbing and saddening news that last night, a Democrat won a Congressional seat in Mississippi in a special election. Like me, you were probably horrified to learn that the Republicans lost this seat despite the fact that they had shoveled thousands of crisp jillion-dollar bills into the campaign coffers.
Not only that, but the Republicans also bought every commercial block available and showed video of Jeremiah Wright and Barack Obama stomping on kittens and feasting on the blood of the innocent. Still the Democrats won.
As I'm sure you know, this is horrible news for the Democrats.
By taking this Congressional seat in Mississippi, we have completely fucked with The Natural Order of Things™. Frankly, it's like a Republican winning in San Francisco. And this has gotten the Republicans pissed off.
Check out all the right-wing blogs. RedState is nothing but constant sobbing. FreeRepublic's message board has been replaced with just a picture of an elephant slitting its wrists. You can't even walk through Little Green Footballs -- the place is littered with bodies of those who felt they could not go on.
Still, people on the liberal blogs, including DailyKos, continue to gloat:
"We drink the Republican Party's milkshake!"
This is unhelpful. Don't people realize that we have to get along with the Republican Party? I mean, they have a lot of power. Their president has a whole 8 months left in office, and he commands an impressive 27% approval rating. To say nothing of the Republican members of the House of Representatives. Without them, we can't even pass a resolution supporting Mother's Day! Oh wait, yeah we can.
Anyhow, after winning this election in a district where Bush won by a margin of 171%, we as Democrats will have to find a way to make it up to the Republicans. We must give them something to compensate them for their terrible loss, because we cannot go on with the Republicans being angry with us.
The poll contains some humble suggestions. We may have to implement one or more of these in order to regain our happy friendship with the Republican Party. Please vote for your choice so that I can get it into Howard Dean's hands before the Republicans summon Baal from the fiery pit of Karl Rove's bowels.
PS Here is a picture of a cat who is smugly enjoying the schadenfreude of defeating the Republicans in MS-01 because he's an asshole who doesn't realize how this is horrible news for the Democrats.