Hi folks!
Quite a lot of people are just recently getting involved in the online political discussions at blogs like this one and mydd.com, and it is not unusual that their first encounter at some of these sites is with a Parrot. These colorful fowl can be confusing and sometimes dangerous. Our feathered friends are well adapted for their environment and can be indistinguishable to the casual observer from other natural diarists or commentors.
So I am offering up this HOWTO on how to tell a Parrot - who you can exchange words with, but not actually talk with - from an average citizen who just wants to debate issues about candidates and such.
Note: democrattotheend has more info on his diary as well.
There are some Parrots such as Alegre and scotch at MyDD who ritually follow marching orders from On High regarding what to say as opposed to actually engaging in discussion. For a Parrot it isn't about discussion of issues, it's about repeating talking points, so for the under-initiated it can be an awkward learning experience.
However, with a view to the logic underlying the rhetoric, it can be an interesting exercise to try to identify the rote-message Parrots from sincere Clinton supporters. This passtime can be quite rewarding and may make your online experience more enjoyable. Much like traditional bird watching for political junkies, there is no requirement for binoculars and silly hats (though you can wear a silly hat if you like).
In general there are two types of Parrot - the Long Winded Parrot and the Snark Parrot. The Long Winded Parrot writes diaries, but often does not comment. The Snark Parrot by contrast often does not peform the nesting ritual of diary composition, rather they can be found lurking in the tall grass in the vicinity of a diary, waiting to pounce on unsuspecting prey with dizzying jabs and sharp noises.
Both types of Parrots speak the same language. This is not speech as we know it, but is rather an inherited set of sounds composed by a higher power located at a Central Command and passed down to them directly or by proxy. These song sheets are kept at all times with the Parrot and if you cam quietyly get close enough you can sometimes hear the pages flipping as the Parrot seeks the next line.
To give a feel for current song sheets found on most common Parrots, let me break down the conference call Senator Clinton had with her lead Parrot bloggers yesterday (audio here). Once you begin to recognize the patterns, you will find it rapidly becoming easier to spot Parrots by the content of their song. We will break this song sheet down into Marching Orders that you will be able to jot down in your field books to help you identify Parrots in their natural environment.
"First, we finally have acknowledgment that we are leading in the popular vote. I'm 50,000 ahead in the popular vote. We still trail in the delegates but I have every reason to believe we'll continue to do well in the popular vote. I'm hoping I'll end the elections on June 3 ahead in popular vote."
Marching order #1: The Popular Vote - Repeat the words "popular vote" as often as possible. This will ensure that it is in everyone's heads however much it has no bearing and is more likely to cause a feeling of cheating where none occurred, and can cost the Democrat nominee votes in Nov so Sen. Clinton can run again in 2012 after McCain. There should be no engagement using actual math, which is suceptible to accuracy attacks, rather rote patterns of numbers are to be used. Defensive techniques center around the "Bully Defense" (see below).
"Secondly, we are totally devoted to making sure MI and FL count. I find it not just ironic but almost inexplicable that the Democratic party would not have figured out a way to make this problem that we face under our rules subordinate to the overriding desire to enfranchise give voters the open invitation to democracy and the democratic party that they’re turning out at 2.3 million strong would demand. I think the delegations should be seated, if that’s not the resolution, it should be done in a fair, transparent way on May 31st, so that they are part of this nominating process."
Marching Order #2: The Bully Defense - repeat combinations of these words: Florida, Michigan, diesenfranchise, enfranchise, overriding desire, 2.3 million - regardless statement by Central Command prior to Iowa that these elections wouldn't matter. Should local resistance to this form of bluster defense prove too strong, please see the "Electoral Assertion" below.
Number three, as of our big win in West Virginia, which is especially significant given the history that Democrats don’t win the White House, at least since 1916, without winning West virginia - we now have won states totaling 300 electoral votes. Barack has won states totallying 217 electoral votes. Now certainly some of my states like Texas and Oklahoma will be difficult to win in the Democratic column in the Fall. But look at the states that make up his 217 electoral votes. Alaska and Idaho, Utah, Kansas, Nebraska, it will be very difficult to win those states in the General Election. It will be very difficult for Obama to win on the electoral count. I have a cushion on the electoral vote majority, he has a significant deficit. It is the MAP not the MATH.
Marching Order #3: Electoral Assertion - repeat the idea that winning areas in primaries that map to electoral votes in the General Election has some bearing on Barack Obama's inability to win these same electoral votes in November. Convince everyone that California and New York will vote Republican, for example. Ignore any statements related to the fact that the entire Republican party is in shambles and cannot even win local elections that have been solidly in their control for decades. If challenged, bury the opponent with flurries of Advanced Electoral Algega using copious variables and reference-assertions such as "no candidate has been elected in 47 years without winning East Melford". If this approach does not deter discussion of issues, please see the "Victim Defense" below.
I deeply regret the vitriol and the mean-spiritedness and the terrible insults and rhetoric that has been thrown around at you for supporting me, at women in general, at many of those who support my campaign & because of who they are and their stand based on principle*. I don't have time for their insults, I'm impervious to them. I figure it's a perverse form of flattery that they would spend so much time trying to tear me down when what we need to be doing is figure out how we're going to swear in a Democrat on Jan 20.
Marching order #4: the Victim Defense - claim victimhood and misogyny at every possible remaining turn. Repeat at every chance the concept that the only reason there is any opposition to the Clinton camp is because there is a female candidate. Question the loyalty of women to their mothers, sisters and daughters and accuse men of not being capable of understanding. Should a citizen still insist on using rebuttals like "but that is the opposite of actual feminism or equality", disengage by using stock Escape Clauses such as "It's not worth talking to you", or old classics like "You just aren't capable of opening your mind."
So, when you get these circular arguments, empty assertions and dismissive comments from folks like Alegre and others who seem to be too far into their candidate's KoolAid to make any logical sense, consider that you may have found a Parrot simply reading from a songsheet as opposed to citizens actually engaging in discussion. Mark the find in your field book and share your discovery with your fellow Parrot Watchers!
To answer the obvious question: "Are there Obama Parrots as well?" Not to my knowledge. This species is rumored to exist, but since the rumors are only know to come from Clinton Parrots and extensive searching in the likely nesting grounds of such exotic birds has turned up no evidence for their existence, we have to assume for now at least that the rumor of them is simply an additional survival mechanism used by Clinton Parrots.
For the record, I am neither a paid nor directed blogger for Obama. I just believe that he is a great candidate and do this for no other reward than speaking truth to power. While I am part of a group of volunteers who monitor things independently and who try to counter attacks and promote positive aspects of our candidate, there is no such song-sheet to sing from over here. We just make this stuff up as we go along in tune with how we actually feel about things.
So enjoy your Parrot Watching whether you are a weekend hobbyiest or a serious collector. This can be a fun family activity and is chock-full of educational opportunites for you, your friends and and your whole household!
-cheers!
-chris
PS Congrats on getting a question in on the ConCall btw, Parrot Alegre. Though whether you represent millions is your own interpretation, and from my view you represent a class of perhaps a score of Long Winded Parrots.
Q: Alegre, blogger. I speak for millions, we're behind you and hope you go to the convention and take this to the floor for a vote. The media has distorted the fact that you're ahead in the popular vote. I'm taking my children to the DNC meeting on the 31st. all delegates should be counted. Stay strong, keep going, never give up.