Upsets happen every day. We spill our coffee. The water heater fails. We have a fender-bender. The contractor doesn't show up. Somebody says mean stuff about us or our friends or some candidate we support. And the truth is, there's nothing we can do to stop them from happening. Nothing.
The best we can do is to recover with grace and action toward our original commitment. For example, when I'm angry at my daughter, here's how a typical conversation unfolds:
Her: How long are you going to be mad, Daddy?
Me: I don't know.
Her: The rest of your life?
Me: No.
Her: The rest of the week?
Me: No.
Her: All day?
Me: Maybe.
Her: Why?
Me: Because.
Her: Do you want to be mad? Are you having fun?
Me: No.
Her: Then stop.
Me: Okay, I will.
Her: By when?
By when. Two of the most important words you'll ever hear - because they make it clear that everything is up to us as individuals. If we can choose to be mad for a year, we can choose to be mad for a day - and we can choose to be mad for a second. The measure of our strength is not whether we can avoid getting upset, but how quickly and generously we get off it.
I don't profess to being nearly as expert in this arena as my 17 year old daughter, but I am learning from her every day. I am learning that staying upset is a personal choice, and that choosing committed action to create a new possibility is always preferable.
I know people who are still upset about elections from seven years ago. And on a bad day, I'm one of those people. But on a good day, I work really hard to redirect that upset toward action. Yes I'm disgusted with George Bush, but my energy is now focused on electing Barack Obama.
Some Hillary Clinton supporters appear to be having a tough time getting past her primary loss. They say it'll take them some time to get over it.
To which I simply ask this: By when?