If you live in certain parts of the country, you know that sound. It's a high-pitched whine that you can barely make out. You stop what you are doing and concentrate. As you try to hold still and get a fix the source of the noise, you feel the answer as the mosquito sinks his proboscis into your forearm. Slap! "Got him!"
Actually, it was a "her" if it was taking a drink of your blood. And, in all likelihood, this was no loner. Swatting them is all but pointless. If your home is like Madison, there are probably many more...
Officials said that mosquito monitoring traps were catching less than 50 mosquitoes per trap per night before the spike in mosquitoes. But the monitoring done on Monday yielded 3,750 mosquitoes per trap. After last fall's flooding, the traps were averaging about 200 mosquitoes per trap per night, officials said.
Stop your scratching and jump into the bath of calamine lotion that we call "What's Your Fucking Problem?"
Good grief! Where will it end? When will it end? Will I need a transfusion before the holiday weekend is through? Hells bells, I hate mosquitoes! And that, my friends, is my fucking problem this Independence Day weekend.
While I go over the "mandatory," as we say in advertising, spray yourselves with DEET and be sure not to get any of it in your eyes like I did last night. Yeeeeouch.
WYFP is our community's Saturday evening gathering to talk about our problems, empathize with one another, and share advice, pootie pictures, favorite adult beverages, and anything else that we think might help. Everyone and all sorts of troubles are welcome. May we find peace and healing here. Won't you please share the joy of WYFP by recommending?
Earlier today, I was tossing out WYFP topics with my partner, Tom. "What about something on Independence Day? Loss of rights, habeas corpus, or like that?" Good thoughts and great topics, but done and done well not just yesterday but all the time on DK. The WYFP opener needs a personal hook of some kind.
We mused about how getting private health insurance is so f***ed up. I'm going through that now, having just left my job to go back to school full time. I learned all about the perils of pre-existing conditions this week. That's becoming quite the FP for me, since the insurance I will be getting won't cover the meds I take nor the quarterly visits to the physician for management of those meds since I already have that condition. (This from the same insurance company I have had through work the past four years and who had no issues paying these bills then. Gee thanks.) Yeah, an FP alright, but one I can work around since Tom is a physician himself and thee meds are cheap and just as effective in their generic form.
"So," Tom asked, "What's bugging you the most right now?" Without intending the pun, I had to answer "Mosquitoes!" And that's the honest truth. I am literally sitting inside writing this on a beautiful July day because just walking out to our barn will yield me a bite or two. I must have two dozen bites I am either trying to scratch or wish I could reach right now. Sprays that work for others seem to have minimal impact on the skeeters heading for my AB negative buffet. They are ruining my summer, damn it!
We're in Wisconsin. We had a little flooding problem a few weeks back. Maybe you heard about it. Well, record rains did more than wash out roads and levies. They helped bring to life a record crop of mosquitoes. Judging from the Googling on this topic (Hey, I do research for WYFP?!) the problem is even worse in Iowa and in the Chicago area. And with the rise of the mosquitoes, all of the advice, legitimate or otherwise, comes out. Stuff fabric softener sheets in your pockets. Don't wear dark colors or perfumes. Eat vitamin B like it's candy. Wear a complete scuba suit.
It's kind of war-like, the way these little vampires go about their business. Mosquitoes have a battery of sensors designed to track their prey, including:
Chemical sensors - mosquitoes can sense carbon dioxide and lactic acid up to 100 feet (36 meters) away. Mammals and birds gives off these gases as part of their normal breathing. Certain chemicals in sweat also seem to attract mosquitoes (people who don't sweat much don't get nearly as many mosquito bites).
Visual sensors - if you are wearing clothing that contrasts with the background, and especially if you move while wearing that clothing, mosquitoes can see you and zero in on you. It's a good bet that anything moving is "alive", and therefore full of blood, so this is a good strategy.
Heat sensors - Mosquitoes can detect heat, so they can find warm-blooded mammals and birds very easily once they get close enough.
Mosquitoes also have, in our house, a Trojan horse of sorts. We have big furry dogs (Newfies... how about that?) who are lucky to have a dog door that lets them go outside at will. Every time one comes back in, at least five or six skeeters are along for the ride. That adds up when you mix a young dog and incessant fireworks, like last night. Bosco naturally has to come right to me, his bestest buddy, as soon as he returns indoors. The mosquitoes hop off their shuttle and right onto me. Thanks, Bosco.
I can whine all evening about how miserable mosquitoes are making me. (And I will, but fortunately you don't have to listen to it!). So, gentle readers, is something bugging you besides bugs? Is there an itch you'd like to scratch? Are you able to swat someone else's troubles? Been stung by something? Is something sucking the very lifeblood out of you?
Well, you've come to the right place.
What's your fucking problem?