TO: ABC, CBS, NBC, MSNBC, CNN
RE: HOW TO HELP US ELECT JOHN MCCAIN
As we demonstrated in 2000 and 2004, Fox News can not do it alone.
So let's get our stories straight and stay on the same page.
As for John McCain, let's keep things simple and uncluttered:
John McCain is the only candidate who can keep us safe from terrorists
John McCain is the only candidate who can help lower gas prices - right away.
John McCain is the only candidate who will not raise our taxes and bankrupt all of us.
Chris Matthews, we need you to slip up at least another 10 times by calling Obama "Osama"! And stop apologizing.
Let Keith Olbermann say whatever he wants, as long as you have at least 5-6 hours of Joe Scarborough and Pat Buchanan towing the party line and shouting down any liberal thoughts.
As for what we DON'T want to hear -
Make sure you do not utter a peep on John McCain's position on drilling or tax cuts - they can be twisted to look like "flipflops".
The only candidate you should be calling a "flipflopper" is Barack Obama - and we should have at least 10-12 new "Obama flipflopping stories" a week.
In addition, we'll need your help on the 4-6 "Swiftboating" incidents we have planned. They'll be leaked - and you'll need to discredit them 20-30 times a day. That way, every American will get the idea they should worry Barack Obama is a muslim terrorist and he has fathered a number of babies born addicted to crack. Deplore away - but keep hyping these stories!
Your reporting of the Swiftboaters' efforts set the standard for turning a $500,000 ad campaign into a national media frenzy. We need to measure up or exceed that to win in 2008!
As for things to watch for, let's all be careful not to let anything slip regarding John McCain's stance on abortion! Let's not remind those angry Hillary voters that John McCain will put in place another 2 ultra-conservative judges - and get rid of Roe v. Wade.
In the meantime, let's keep stories flowing that show how terrific things currently are. Brian Williams and Charlie Gibson - continue with at least three stories a week about how our troops help Iraqi children lead productive lives - and how calm and wonderful things are in Iraq and will no doubt stay that way.
You might even want to throw in a few hints that oil from Iraq will start to pay down our debt!
As for Osama Bin Laden, let's stoke up at least a few pieces about how he is no longer a real threat to our security; unless of course, we decide we need him to scare Americans and remind them only John McCain can protect us from Osama Bin Laden.
Which brings us to Brack Obama (see how I linked Obama and Osama - it's simple!) Again, let's keep things simple.
We can't trust Obama in a time of war and terror.
Obama is selling out our troops in Iraq.
Obama also an elitist egghead liberal who will raise our taxes and bankrupt the working class!
It's a good idea to follow these with heartwarming pieces of John McCain's military service and how normal and average John McCain is! Don't overdo it - McCain is simply
a working class guy just like the rest of us!
You've done a great job so far. Let's all keep up the good work and we'll make sure you'll have something to gripe about once John McCain is elected president of The United States!