Yesterday Chris Dodd held a hearing (part 2 of 2) on childhood obesity in the Senate. I was so happy with his first hearing that I gave him ten bucks. There will not be any ten bucks for this second hearing. He included testimony from the American Beverage Association. WTF!
I got a hold of their testimony from the website and it calls for an edible version of the Scotty Show.
So how do we do this? The American Beverage Association's bullshit is thick and bold like in real life, my words are in regular font. Actually - you know what - I'm just going to delete the stuff that's not relevant and give you your bullshit straight up. Karateexplosions, I promise to give you royalties, so long as you accept mojo from my tip jar.
Testimony from Susan K. Neely, President and CEO of the American Beverage Association (ABA)
...explore meaningful solutions to the nation’s childhood obesity problem...
I'll bet.
As a representative of the nation’s beverage industry and the mother of two elementary school children
so please don't assume everything I say today is due to my role as an industry shill. I also have kids.
ABA today represents hundreds of beverage producers, distributors, franchise companies and support industries. ABA’s members employ more than 211,000 people who produce U.S. sales in excess of $88 billion per year.
We provide jobs and contribute to the economy. Nevermind that drug dealers are also contributing to the economy but we don't make policy in their best interests because their products harm our citizens.
In fact, we are leading the way when it comes to doing ones part to help children achieve a balanced lifestyle.
Cue corporate bullshit to begin. "Balanced lifestyle" means you eat crap but work out more.
The American Beverage Association agrees that the obesity crisis is a complex, national challenge that requires us to re-examine old practices and find new solutions.
It's complex. That means it's not so simple as quitting our soda habits. I mean, you really can't tell what makes someone obese anyway. Even if a Harvard study shows that soda plays a BIG role. It's just too complex.
All of us - policymakers, parents, educators, industry and community leaders – have a responsibility to do our part to help teach our children how to have a healthy life style. I am proud to report that the American beverage industry is doing just that.
We are part of the solution. We are self regulating. That means you don't need to make laws to hurt our sales.
The next part needs a special box around it to show that it's, well, special.
In May of 2006, the American Beverage Association, Cadbury Schweppes Americas Beverages, The Coca-Cola Company and PepsiCo teamed up with the Alliance for a Healthier Generation (a joint initiative of the William J. Clinton Foundation and the American Heart Association) to develop new School Beverage Guidelines that limit calories and increase nutritious beverages in schools.
We agree with parents and educators that schools are special places and play a unique role in shaping our children’s health. The guidelines provide students with a broad array of lower- and no-calorie options along with nutritious and smaller-portioned beverages to help kids build healthy habits as they learn to balance the calories they consume with the calories they burn. The guidelines are designed to balance children’s nutritional and hydration needs with appropriate caloric consumption for their age.
We hope the Committee appreciates the extraordinary steps our companies are taking with these guidelines. Our companies are removing full-calorie soft drinks from elementary, middle and high schools throughout America – an unprecedented move by a member of the broader food and beverage industry. They’re also reducing the portion sizes of many beverages and capping the calories of products offered in schools. This is all happening right now in schools across America. And this change does not come without real cost and risk to the industry.
Looks great, right? Except that most of it isn't true. Was there an agreement? Yep. I remember it. Was it enforced? Did it do anything? The ABA doesn't want you to look behind that curtain.
According to Appetite for Profit by Michele Simon (who is now officially a Kossack!!!):
In fact, the ABA's school-based beverage policy never actually took hold. This makes sense when you realize that the aBA is just a trade association. As such, it does not directly oversee the sale of soft drinks to schools. Rather, beverages are sold to schools through local distributors, which operate under the jurisdiction of their individual parent companies. These controlling firms have the ultimate say regarding which products are made available to schools and under what terms. Moreover, the ABA proclamation is only voluntary and has no government enforcement or oversight mechanism. The ABA conceded that "the success of the policy is dependent on voluntary implementation of it by individual beverage companies and by school officials."
The ABA school decree is anemic in other ways, too. For example, it applies only to vending machinese, and imposes no restrictions on other venues where drinks are marketed in schools (e.g., in school canteens and at sporting events). Also, the policy applies only to new school contracts; it can be amended to old agreements only with the consent of both parties.
In other words? The ABA is full of it. Entirely. Moving on with our show...
They balance children’s nutritional and hydration needs with appropriate caloric consumption.
A favorite food industry myth: that we have a hydration problem. Buy more drinks, America! You are dehydrated!
A nationwide survey showed that 82% of parents surveyed support our school beverage guidelines. In fact, they clearly support our school beverage guidelines over more restrictive alternatives.
Don't ask me who did that survey, or whether or not it was impartial or statistically significant. I don't want to answer that. Oh, and about the 82% support? That was a huge boon for the beverage industry's PR. Kinda cool since the "beverage guidelines" were all a hoax in the first place, huh?
Since we signed the Memorandum of Understanding with the Alliance for a Healthier Generation, our companies have spent hundreds of hours training their marketing and sales teams about the guidelines. These teams have reached out to school contract partners to educate them. Our companies have reformulated products. They have created new package sizes to meet the smaller portion sizes required in the guidelines. And, they are retrofitting vending machines to accommodate the changes in package sizes.
We are working soooo hard to make it look like we are "doing something" and we are "part of the solution." We really, really, really, really don't want you to regulate us!
As that Committee considers reauthorization of the Child Nutrition Act next year, we will continue to work with Senator Harkin and Chairman George Miller in the House to demonstrate our commitment to this commonsense approach that balances good nutrition with the practical needs of schools.
Cuz, you know, good nutrition is TOTALLY incompatible with the practical needs of schools.
Another special section of bullshit:
And no discussion of child health would be complete without talking about the need for physical activity. Reports are that children are spending upwards of six hours a day in front of a screen. Whether it’s a television, computer, or the latest video game entertaining distractions have taken the place of sports, exercise, and physical play.
Weight gain, is at its root, an excess of calories consumed over calories burned. And without the necessary physical activity, we will continue to see overweight children. We must not allow the calories burned portion of this equation to be lost. It is equally as important as calories consumed and deserves equal attention from lawmakers, parents, schools, communities and industry.
Aha! There we go. Knew it was coming. As the soda industry likes to tell you "It's the couch, not the can." Keep drinking Coke, we're not the problem. You need to get off your lazy asses and EXERCISE. (Have they ever considered that whether or not a person exercises, soda STILL isn't a healthy drink??? I don't think they want anyone to mention that.)
Senator Dodd, you're one of my favorites. Why, oh why, did you let these idiots testify before your committee? I hope you'll do the right thing with this testimony. Head on over to Cheney's house and stick it into his big paper shredder.