Once the convention hits, there won’t be much space on the right side of the page here. The diary list will no doubt be clogged with folks dissecting McCain’s every lie and the media’s 24 hour garbage cycle. That’s why we have to get ready now, for the October Surprise to end all Surprises. The republicans have a plan, and it is zombies.
Be prepared.
"A few friends think we’re a little deranged. What surprises us, on the other hand, is how many people have made absolutely no preparations..."
Meteor Blades
I know what you’re asking yourselves. Why have I been so blind? Is it already too late?
Don’t worry, that’s why we’re here.
If I had a time machine, I would go back to the beginning of World War II and give FDR a crowbar. I can think of no other object that would, through reverse engineering and study, provide a greater military advantage. Would crowbar technology have stopped Hitler’s rise? Who is to say...
But, I do know this. A crowbar is easy to get, would totally rock a zombie, and is useful in a thousand ways other than killing the undead.
"Give me a crowbar long enough and a fulcrum on which to place it, and I shall Whoop a Zombie ass."
Archimedes
You know what people who don’t have waterproof, steel toe, high lace, boots are called? Bootless...
Don’t be bootless. You don’t know how long the zombie plague will last. The roads will be clogged with cars—the undead feasting on people in hushpuppies; gasoline will be nonexistent after the first week—hoarded by motorcycle gangs and carpoolers, your bike will be stolen, and your segway was ridiculous in the first place. Your boots will always be there, through the horrible first zombie winter where you are forced to eat your neighbor’s always-yipping dog, through your long trek in the wilderness looking for a place that still has internet access, and foiling any attempt by a zombie to get at your sweet little tooties.
"The zombie plague can travel halfway around the world while the survivors are still putting on their boots"
Mark Twain
Lastly, be the first to get the hell outta dodge. Don’t sit there and watch TV as reporters are being eaten; I don’t care how much you dislike the media. Don’t go to the local hospital or military base, that’s where everyone else will be going, and they will look delicious doing it.
At the first sign of trouble, put on your boots, grab your crowbar, fill a backpack with some powerbars and bottled water, and do what every American should do in time of crisis. Head to Canada.
Why Canada? Because it is goddamned cold up there that’s why. Too cold to support life, only Canadians can survive
.
Zombies will totally freeze their asses off in Canada. They no longer produce heat; they will be frozen at the first sign of mooses...meeses...whatever a group of them are called (pod?). This will allow you to steal their wallets at your leisure. Rebuilding society will be expensive.
If you decide to tough it out in the states, please read these preparedness diaries and god have mercy on your soul:
MeteorBlades preparedness roundup