I picked up this story by Joy Pincus from Womens Enews. The story starts
Monitoring a fetal anomaly left Joy Pincus hoping for the best and preparing for the worst. In the end she followed doctors' advice to have a late-term abortion. The decision is a milestone marking the unpredictability of life and the value of choice.
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While this particular story takes place in Isreal, just imagine it occuring say, in Georgia, Texas or Lousianna. Or South Dakota.
An Abortion Sets Major Milestone in Her Life
By Joy Pincus
WeNews correspondent
(WOMENSENEWS)--I have several milestones by which I measure my life; like moving to Israel, deciding to get married or quitting my job to become a full-time freelance writer.
Today, however, my life is divided into two distinct periods: before and after my abortion.
Read her story, and if you are a woman, imagine it happening to you. Or if you are a man, imagine it happening to some girl or woman you love.
After a few years of trying to conceive, my spouse and I were overjoyed when our first attempt at in-vitro fertilization succeeded; doubly so, because six weeks later we discovered I was pregnant with twins. At age 39, I would be giving birth just short of my 40th birthday. I found a midwife and began to plan for my perfect home birth, which of course would be preceded by as few ultrasounds or other intervening procedures as possible. It all felt like a dream come true...That feeling lasted about six weeks, until the first test results came in and we understood that fetal development would have to be carefully monitored.
Now remember, this story is taking place in Isreal,
From that moment on, my spouse and I found ourselves strapped in a nightmare of a rollercoaster ride. When that ride finally ended, seven months had passed and we faced one of the most difficult decisions of our lives.
She goes on.
Losing Hope
After several inconclusive tests, we finally received confirmation beyond a doubt that one fetus was malformed to an extent that would preclude any normal existence. I gave up all hope of having twins, consoling myself with the thought that at least one child would somehow make it through.
(But t)he ride had not yet ended.
We soon discovered that the second fetus was suffering from IUGR, intrauterine growth retardation. By 27 weeks she was in terrible distress, some five weeks underdeveloped and with next to no amniotic fluid surrounding her.
The team of doctors following the case--including the specialist who had been monitoring the pregnancy from the first sign of trouble--were now recommending a full termination of both. Such a unanimous decision is extremely rare in a country where it often seems rare for even two people to agree on anything...I went home, feeling like Solomon, but without his wisdom.
In South Dakota, this could not have happened. Joy would have never been given these choices. Her doctors would never have offered them to her.
Decision Becomes Clear
That night, my spouse and I escaped into the solace of sleep. In the morning, as we looked at each other, the decision was clear for both of us. Born in Israel and raised to be stoic, my husband may have found it easier to accept the circumstances; born in America and raised on happy endings, I felt like I had misplaced my life.
We phoned the hospital and told them we would proceed with a full termination.
Had Joy lived in most of flyover United States, Joye would have either carried her babies to term and delivered either dead or terribly malformed twins. Or she would have had to leave her home and travel many hundreds of miles and spend her days in a strange town, under the care of doctors whom she had never met, and passed through a gauntlet of screaming Religious fanatics attempting to block her way, take pictures of her and anyone traveling with her perhaps to be put on the internet, and waving horrible pictures in her face and saying in a baby voice, "mommy, please don't kill me. Mommy, I want to live."
But remember, this is Isreal, a land that can treat its women with a respect and care that American women can only dream of.
In Israel, abortion at any stage of pregnancy is permissible in several cases, one of them being the presence of fetal anomaly. We met with the hospital's genetic counselor, who wrote a petition on our behalf and presented it to the official committee for their sanction. Our motion was approved, and on the following Monday morning, I was admitted for the procedure.
Her abortion completed under totally gentle and respectful circumstances, the most remarkable part of the story (at least to American women who have had to go thoruogh this experience in this country) continues.
A Kind of Shiva
In Judaism, when a family member dies, one observes "shiva," a tradition of staying home to receive the condolences of visiting friends. In a similar way, for the week following my hospital stay, friends came by, bringing gifts and food and--more important--listening to the story of what had happened.
I discovered that it was a vital part of the process to tell my story, again and again, and in the telling I found understanding, new perspective and a way to remove any sense of lingering shame, stigma or self-pity.
Also helping me to avoid the feeling of stigma was the fact that the Israeli National Health Service bestowed upon me all the privileges given to every other woman who has given birth. In a case of twins, this means a monetary gift of around $2,000 and four months' paid maternity leave. Besides relieving the financial stress and giving me time in which to heal, the recognition and legitimization of what I had been through helped to maintain my sense of dignity.
Why in God's name can we not do the same for the women in our country who have to go through this experience? I think we all know tha answer to that. It is because millions of people in this country, in God's name, do their best to make this the most horrible experience these women who go through this in our country, indeed, one of the worst experiences of their lives. Read on to know the, for American's women, remarkabkle end to this story.
Today, nine months later, my life has been transformed; not in spite of my experience, but because of it.
It has strengthened my marriage, allowing my partner and me to be there for each other in a time of great need and to discover tenderness toward one another that we had never known. It has taught me to stop measuring events as either "good" or "bad" by how they may affect me personally, and rather to see them for the opportunity they provide for me to develop and grow.
And it has shown me once and for all that while so many things we meet in life are beyond our control, how we respond to them is not. In fact, our ability to choose how we respond may be the greatest gift we have as humans, and of the most powerful things we have to offer others.
This fall, I will have from a few to perhaps a few dozen people in front of my office, joining a campaign calling itselve 40 Days For Life. Some of them will stand silently praying across the street from my clinic. Others will be carrying signs, perhaps a few will be carrying pictures of dead dismembered fetuses or stillborn babies. Some will be screaming and yelling at my patients, my staff and me. And my patients will leave, many, especially the very young, ashamed and fearful about what thay have felt they had to do. My staff and I do our best to have a shiva especially for them.
Sometimes I get so angry at the people in front of my office attempting to frighten and shame the girls and women entering and leaving, it is all I can do to keep from attacking one. But I learned long ago to just go out and wrap my arm over one and get my smiling picture taken with him or her. And I don't get arrested for assault! :-)