Dear Mr. Colbert: Frankenoid here, in "that oxygen deprived, granola snarfing, watery beer making, mountain bike riding, Camelback toting, Patagonia wearing, Norad adjacent, rectangular state bordered, John Hickenlooper mayored, high miled [sic] cesspool" known as Denver.
I know you want to be here, but as you haven't invited to speak at the Democratic National Convention, you're not coming at all.
To welcome our out-of-state visitors (yes, even those from New York), I'm opening the blog-infamous Garden Blogging Garden for an open house on Sunday, August 24, 2008.
And we want you here.
Really.
You can give the key-note address.
So e-mail me at frankenoid at conen dot net, and I'll give you the address. The party starts at 1:00, and will continue as long as folks are still here.
SquareState.net, the Convention credentialed blog for Colorado, will furnish all the watery beer you can drink.
We'll also have a selection of Colorado grown specialties: I'll match a Colorado peach against a South Carolina one any day. There's no melon better than one grown in Rocky Ford, Colorado, and the sweet corn from Olathe can't be beat.
If you come, we'll even name the kitten — currently known as Caligula — after you. Do you think he looks like a Steve Coal Burt?
And I promise there will be no Hungarians or, if there are, it's because they've sneakily infiltrated our borders, like the dirty, peanut-oiled goulies they are).
Very truly yours, Franki
P.S. — the invitation extends to those who are not Stephen Colbert, as well as to notstephencolbert.