We've all heard the names that are being thrown around: Clark! Kaine! Sebelius! Warner! Bayh! Biden! We've read the pundits reading the tea leaves.
But history tells us that candidates often make surprising VP picks. It seems clear to me that Obama will pick someone unexpected. And that someone will be...ESTES KEFAUVER
What's Kefauver got that nobody else has?
- EXPERIENCE: Five terms in the House, two-and-a-half terms in the Senate. He even ran for VP in 1956! Plus, he's been dead for forty-five years, which, depending on your religious convictions, gives him a variety of experiences utterly unknown to the frequently-discussed VP candidates.
- AGE: Obama brings in the youth vote. But what about the old vote? Kefauver (born in 1903) makes McCain look young and inexperienced. Plus, he's dead!
- MINIMIZES THE "FUNNY NAME" FACTOR: You just know that the Republicans will try to paint Barack HUSSEIN Obama as somehow un-American because of his "funny" name. What Obama needs is something--or somebody--to deflect attention away from this potential problem. And nobody has a funnier name than Estes Kefauver. Plus, he's dead!
- THE GAFFE FACTOR: Many like Biden's experience, but fear his tendency to make embarrassing misstatements. Many love Clark's intelligence, but are concerned that his candor about McCain's record would create problems for an Obama/Clark campaign. Kefauver is guaranteed to be gaffe-free, as he's dead.
- PUMA-PALOOZA!: As a presidential candidate in 1952, Kefauver won all but three Democratic primaries. But the party bosses didn't want him to be the nominee, and the convention gave the nomination to Adlai Stevenson. There's much in this history that will appeal to PUMA's, who have long felt that Obama is this year's Adlai Stevenson, that some states don't count, and that the primary campaign was stolen from them. Plus, Kefauver's dead, so he can't run against Hillary in 2016....or 2012!
- BUILT IN "SISTER SOULJAH MOMENT": The most famous image of Kefauver is the cover of Time reproduced above. Coonskin hat will allow Obama-Kefauver ticket to stand up to PETA, thus proving their "centrist" credentials.
- PLUS, HE'S DEAD!: On August 8, 1963, after eating a slice of apple pie, Kefauver suffered a massive heart attack on the floor of the U.S. Senate, while trying to place an antitrust amendment in a NASA appropriations bill. Two days later he was dead. Since we now know that being a POW is the best possible preparation for the presidency, surely collapsing on the floor of the U.S. Senate--the very chamber whose constitutional leader he would become--is the best possible preparation for the vice-presidency.