So there have been about 50 Billion Veepstakes Diaries lately. Even I have written one or two. Most of these diaries focus on who the author wants to be Obama's VP. What the latest rumors are on Obama's VP. Who is and isn't speaking on what nights of the Democratic National Convention and things of that nature. But what about that desolate land on the other end of the political spectrum? That dark place known as Republican land? Not a whole lot of attention has been paid to McCain's prospective VP choice.
Furthermore there has been virtually no discussion on who WE should be rooting for when it comes to McCain's VP selection. Who has the potential to turn off the most voters, who exposes a weakness in McCain or forces him to change positions? Lets find out together. Below the fold we'll take a look at who could be one (very old and decrepit) heart beat away from the Presidency come 2009.
To research this diary I had to strap on my stupid and dive head first into the bizarro world that is the Right-Wing Blogosphere. A place where stupid, racist, incoherent comments are so routine that nobody even mentions them. A place where circular logic goes completely uncontested. Where Jingoism runs rampant and speculation (even from someone in the comments) is treated as fact without any evidence being presented.
Now I don't say this simply to dismiss the intellect of the Right-Wing Blogosphere (that's simply a bonus) I say this to illustrate the difficulty in separating fact from fiction when determining who is and is not actually in the running for John McCain's Vice Presidential pick. You know how sometimes people will float crazy ideas like "Hey lets run Rob Reiner as Obama's VP." or how the Daily Show recently put up a poll asking which Neil Patrick Harris Character should be Obama's VP? (Note: Dr. Horrible wasn't even an option!) Well as far as I can tell those types of things are given actual weight over in Bizarro world.
Tracking down the realistic John McCain VP possibilities is really hard when people write scarily serious articles about whether or not Arnold Schwarzenegger could be McCain's VP. Thankfully if you read enough retarded blog posts eventually you start to notice a few names that are mentioned again and again and again.
So heres the short list. I will try to explain each of the realistic choices, along with why we may or may not want McCain to pick that candidate. I'll separate them into individual block quotes so they don't all run together.
Charlie Crist: You all know him as the Republican Governor of Florida who is NOT GAY. Yep, definitely not gay. Crist's name is mention in virtually every article ever written about McCain's possible VP pick. Not because he's particularly charismatic (though there is a flamboyant flare to him) but because he's the Republican Governor of Florida. And not gay.
This pick would be kind of a wash for us. On the upside if McCain picks the relatively unknown Charlie Crist they will spend a lot of time trying to prove to the American people that he's not gay. Even though there is a lot of people in Florida who seem to suggest that he's secretly gay. If true hiding that fact could turn into a hilarious spectacle worthy of a full length feature film. And it would definitely be a disaster for McCain since Republican voters HATE Gays almost as much as they hate Blacks and Woman.
On the downside being a secret gay is not normally something we as Democrats would or should go after. So it's kind of like the Republicans and their 'Barack is a Secret Muslim' tactic. Or their not so subtle racist tactics. If we were to attack the hypocrisy of McCain having a Gay VP candidate we'd have to use dog whistles. And that's not something any of us would feel good about. By the way I just want to stress the fact that Charlie Crist the Republican Governor of Florida is NOT GAY! ;)
Rudy Giuliani: At first glance Rudy (911) seems like a perfect match for McCain. He was after all the first to embrace/endorse McCain as the GOP nominee. And ideologically speaking McCain and Rudy (911) are very very similar. By that I mean Bat-Shit crazy Neo-Cons!
So whats the upside for us? Well if McCain picked Rudy (911) he'd have a "pro-choice" VP Candidate with a messy private life and the inability to finish a sentence without uttering the phrase 'Nine-Eleven!' That probably wouldn't help McCain very much. Rudy's (911) appeal is very narrow. Basically once you get out of New York his 'Hey I'm unpolished, possibly tied to the mob and from the Bronx' routine doesn't play very well. As we saw in the Primary.
On the downside for us Rudy, (911) could put the War on Terror front and center creating a super charged neo-con, national security ticket if something horrible were to happen between now and November; and the American people collectively wet themselves all over again.
Mike Huckabee: Huckabee is charismatic, and seems to be well liked by evangelicals. Two things McCain lacks. In my honest opinion Huckabee should have won the nomination. He makes perfect sense. He's got the ideology the GOP base loves and he's got enough charm to fool the average voter into thinking he's a moderate. Huckabee would have been a force to be reckoned with. Had he built up his name recognition prior to running for President he could have ran away with the Nomination.
So whats the upside for us? Well if he picks Huckabee as his VP we can tie Huckabee's crazy Christian sermons to McCain. Get our hands on some audio or video of him saying something politically incorrect and suddenly Huckabee is like McCain's version of Rev. Wright except he's McCain's freakin' VP! Toss in the video of Huckabee congratulating Canada for their national igloo and you got a Bush-like Rev. Wright as McCain's VP!
On the downside Huckabee is a charming guy. Very charming. He more than makes up for McCain's creepiness. He's a favorite of the religious right. Which means he can probably inspire them to come out in droves. His weight loss story is truly inspirational and Conservatives love that self made man stuff. He could be the yin to McCain's yang and create a well balanced ticket.
Duncan Hunter: A very conservative, experienced Republican who served in the House Armed Services Committee. However, he didn't do very well in the primaries. In fact I bet few people even realize he ran for President against McCain. He was a 3rd or 4th tier candidate below Ron Paul. How much of an asset he would be as Vice-President is open for debate.
So whats the upside for us? He doesn't really add anything to McCain's ticket. Hunter has no name recognition. McCain already has all the "Armed Services" experience he needs. Hunter is from California a state neither McCain nor Hunter could carry even if they both campaigned there every single day and threw everything they had at it between now and the election. Theres just no way in hell California is going red this year. Especially not for a McCain/Hunter ticket.
The downside of a Hunter pick would be immigration. Hunter is on the complete opposite side of that fence. (pun intended) He's one of those guys who wants to literally build a giant fence across the southern border of the United States. In other words he's treating the issue of illegal immigrants like rabbits who won't stay out of our garden. Now as asinine as this sounds its actually a very popular position among Republicans and putting Hunter on the ticket could bring back those voters who are turned off by McCain's past votes on immigration issues. Or it could cause a rift and be somewhat of a weakness.
Sarah Palin: She's a very popular (80-90% approval rating), attractive, governor of Alaska. She has kind of an older Tina Faye thing going on. In 1984, Palin competed in the Miss Alaska beauty pageant after winning the Miss Wasilla contest earlier that year. In the Wasilla pageant, she played the flute and also won Miss Congeniality. Gov. Palin is known in her state as a Maverick, and has a reputation for being very anti-corruption. You know the stuff John McCain pretends to be. Sarah Palin is very popular having seemed come out of nowhere to completely destroy her rival, Republican Governor Frank Murkowski in their Primary!
The upside for us? She's a little inexperienced for the job since she's only been governor of Alaska since 2006. Other than that, theres not much. She's good on the Environment and good on Gay issues (though her hand was forced) she is however firmly "pro-life" which doesn't help McCain's case with woman at all.
The downside? Out of all of the VP choices for McCain she is the one who could really help McCain the most in my view. This woman is destined for higher office and McCain may be her ticket to the top. Hopefully she's smart enough to realize McCain's campaign is already dead in the water and will simply sit this one out. If so we will have dodged a bullet but one way or another we will have to face off with this woman someday. She's a rising star. Theres no getting around that.
Now you may think she's from Alaska which is about as Red of a state as you can get and McCain doesn't need her help. However, drafting her is about as safe as you can get simply because there is no way a Democrat is going to replace her. On top of that she's the first Woman ever elected as Governor of Alaska and she would be the first Woman ever elected as Vice President. Which despite her views on abortion; her charm and her potential to break glass ceilings could siphon off a good deal of female voters.
Also, unlike McCain her Maverick reputation is real. She signed Gay Marriage into law (though via Supreme Court Mandate) and vetoed legislation that would have barred the state from granting benefits to gay state employees and their partners. She also appointed a new sub-cabinet to address Climate Change in her state. You know what; let me just put it this way. If she were in virtually any other state she would be a Democrat. Shes even more progressive than some of our Democratic Senators.
Now while those things would be of some concern to Republicans the fact of the matter is they're virtually untouchable. Drawing attention to her left leaning record would simply re-enforce her Maverick Meme thus granting the media permission to re-proclaim McCain a Maverick for picking such a Maverick as his VP. And the last thing we want is to bring back that Maverick bullshit.
Bottom line is she's one to watch out for and one of my picks for worst case scenario simply because she should probably be on our side.
Marsha Blackburn: This Tennessee Congresswoman is also attractive, has a charming personality and is pretty popular. She is no Sarah Palin though. I won't spend a lot of time on her because she basically told McCain to forget about it. She was originally for Mitt Romney in the Primaries even joined his campaign as an adviser. She later threw her support behind Fred Thompson. But if that weren't enough to convince you she's not interested in McCain according to an article in The Tennessee, Gannett (March 17, 2008) entitled "Blackburn: Not a VP candidate." She said McCain's running mate should not be selected from a reliably Republican state such as Tennessee.
I really don't see her as the VP pick and she's only on here because conservatives won't let it go and insist she would be perfect for the job. However, you may all remember Mrs. Blackburn from her appearance on the now defunct news program 'Tucker' staring Alex P. Keaton Tucker Carlson. When asked about her outrage behind the MoveOn.org Petraeus ad campaign, Blackburn accused The New York Times of "betraying the public trust". Using the public trust issue as a segue, David Shuster asked her for the name of the last soldier from her congressional district to be killed in Iraq. She was unable to answer.
Just imagine that footage in an Obama ad!
Tim Pawlenty: Tim Pawlenty has got to be getting a good hard look from John McCain. He was an early McCain supporter and he's the is the governor of Minnesota which for some reason Republicans actually think will be a key swing state this year. Pawlenty also lead McCain's presidential exploratory committee which led to Pawlenty becoming co-chairman of McCain's campaign.
The upside for us? If McCain picks Pawlenty it will be out of loyalty and personal friendship. Because he's got less name recognition than an extra in an Andy Dick movie. And despite conservative pipe-dreams of Minnesota being a swing state this year the fact of the matter is Pawlenty only won re-election for Governor by 1%, and Minnesota hasn't gone red since 1972 when George McGovern lost every state but Michigan. Before that the last time it went red was 1956. To say the least I don't see Minnesota magically turning Red for John McCain of all people!
The downside? I don't really see any. If he's McCain's VP we have nothing to fear from him. He seems kind of mediocre. The only reason he's on this list is because the GOP is convinced Minnesota is gonna be up for grabs this year and that he could secure it for McCain. If McCain believes that bullshit and picks this guy its his own damn fault.
Rob Portman: Portman is a former Director of the Office of Management and Budget, a former United States Trade Representative, and he spent a decade in Congress in the key state of Ohio. He's also a long time friend of John McCain. That's it. His name comes up a lot in bizarro world but I honestly don't see why. Robert Novak practically endorsed the guy in a article called 'Rob Portman for VP' (the most original title of Mr. Novaks career I'm sure)
The upside for us is that he's completely unknown. He served in Bush's cabinet (gotta love Bush ties), and is actually President Bush's choice for McCain's running mate according to Novak. All of which makes defining the guy as a puppet of President Bush all too easy.
The downside? He is from Ohio which will most likely be a swing state and he could swing it toward McCain. Though I personally feel if McCain takes Ohio it will happen with or without Portman.
Mitt Romney: Ah now we're getting into the really interesting ones. To me Romney wouldn't seem to be a great addition to the ticket. After all the money he spent, and all the support from Neo-Cons he finished the Primaries a distant third. He said all the right things, but in the end he's a Mormon and despite Ann Coulter's personal feelings Christian denominations are a lot like the Sunni's and Shia. Romney does have a very Vice President vibe about him though and for some reason McCain/Romney has a bit of a ring too it. So I see why his name shows up on every list. I just don't think it would help McCain.
So whats the upside? Romney is a Flip Flopping Mormon. End of story. You don't even have to attack Mormonism to beat the guy. In fact I prefer if you didn't. You can just talk honestly about Mormonism and Romney will suddenly look like a weirdo/idiot. I mean magic underwear? Inherent racism? Chopping off heads? White Native Americans? Jesus and Satan are brothers? Every man spends eternity having sex with millions of wives so they can one day populate their own planet? Yeah, Mormonism is right up there with Xenu!
The downside? Money. Romney has a lot of it. While it may not have helped during the Primaries, if the Right-wing can get passed the fact that he's not a "normal" Christian (thats a big if) than Romney's money and his neo-con support could help the financially strapped McCain campaign.
Condi Rice: I know! WTF? Are they crazy? Yes. Yes they are!
On the upside? Normally if you're Secretary of State you would be more than qualified be Vice President. But she was SOS under Bush! Not only that but she's very closely connected to Bush, on a personal mentor type level. She has also never run for public office before. Her hand in allowing the disaster of 9/11 to happen (due to complete incompetence) would be a god send for us. Imagine the ads. Oh 9/11 commission, even as watered down and censored as you were you still served a valuable purpose.
On the downside? She may cut into Obama's share of the black vote, and even the Female Vote. But that is assuming people vote for superficial reasons like race and gender. However if played right (and we're talking some crazy ass godlike spin here) her time in the Bush Whitehouse could be spun as a positive thing and then she'd be quite a contender. But at that point I'd just ride a flying unicorn to Candyland and retire because that shit ain't happening!
JC Watts: Once again we see Conservatives answering the challenge that is Barack Obama with a token black candidate. I mean c'mon! Why not just throw Alan Keyes at him again? Just the suggestion of matching a black candidate with a black candidate stinks of racism. Now to his credit JC Watts is a former football star who was also the last black Republican to serve in Congress. Additionally, Watts is well liked by conservatives and is known as the man who coined the phrase "race-hustling poverty pimps." However, he does have some baggage and has been out of Congress for a few years now.
What type of baggage? Well for staters he coined the phrase "race-hustling poverty pimps!" How does that not register with these people as an EXTREMELY INSULTING, OFFENSIVE, INSENSITIVE, AND YES RACIST thing to say? What is wrong with the Republicans? They hear a phrase like "race-hustling poverty pimps" and think "Fuck yeah!" am I the only one thinking "Fuck you!" as in "Fuck you JC Watts! I hope bad luck and terrible misfortune haunts your entire life!" What an asshole. Go ahead McCain pick JC Watts as your running mate. I dare you!
Joe Lieberman: Oh holy Joe. You knew he was on the list didn't you? You could smell his bullshit a mile away. When I first previewed my first draft of this diary I swear heard the faint sound of Joe Lieberman railing against violence in video games and then a second later advocating military action against Iran. Oh the paradox that is Joe Lieberman's brain (assuming he has one)
Surprisingly, Republicans are kind of iffy on Lieberman. Mainly because he's Jewish and they're all bigots. But also because they want a hardcore Conservative and Lieberman despite his rhetoric on Iraq and Iran is pro-choice and leans Democratic on several issues. But at the same time they love his stance on "Free Trade" and Tax Cuts and love the fact that he lambasted Clinton during the impeachment proceedings.
The upside? Kicking Lieberman out of our caucus. Stripping him of all of committee assignments! Reducing him to a Senator from a non-existent party slowly counting down the days until Ned Lamont takes his job. An added bonus is we get to make fun of McCain having Joementum. AND we get to watch Lieberman whine like a baby when him and McCain LOSE on Election Day knowing full well if it comes down to a recount Lieberman will wuss out like he always does.
The downside? Republicans revel in the fact that they converted a Democrat. They will use that as proof of their righteousness and McCain's Maverick-ness. His ability to reach across party lines and convert the Jewish guy to the holy church of Reagan. Although we all know he's been an active member of that church for some time now. I say bring it Lieberman. It's on like Donkey Kong!
Eric Cantor: Cantor is a Congressman from Virginia. He is 45 years old and he has been a congressman in the U.S. House of Representatives since 2001. A McCain campaign adviser recently told Politico that they are actively vetting Eric Cantor as a possible running mate for John McCain in the November presidential elections. He's on the Congressional Task Force on Terrorism and Unconventional Warfare. He has also served on the House Financial Services Committee and on the House International Relations Committee and the very powerful House Ways and Means Committee.
The upside? No name recognition. Typical Republican. Other than that nothing about him helps us.
The downside? On capitol hill Cantor is known as a "squeaky clean" guy and has been a proficient fundraiser in key states including Missouri, New Jersey and New York. If I had to bet on someone being McCain's VP I would put half my money on Cantor and half my money on Palin. Then agan McCain is probably an ass and doesn't believe in having woman as leaders/in the workplace. Canton not only has a penis but he's from Virginia which unlike Minnesota is actually going to be a swing state this year. So I'd bet a little more than half on Canton.
And thats the end of my list.
There were many many more names mentioned all over bizarro land but most of them were complete nobodies who would have absolutely no impact on the race. Others were completely unrealistic and out of the question like Colin Powell and Arnold Schwarzenegger. Others like Bobby Jindal have already stated publicly that they will not be the VP nominee. And the rest were of the totally insane, Neil Patrick Harris variety.
Which reminds me, I have a poll for you...