Well, I saw so many VP candidate diaries that I thought that I should add my own opinions to the bunch. I propose with about as much credibility as 60% of diaries and punditry that proclaim to know such things, that yes Obama has indeed made a decision. His VP candidate shall be- why ME...of course. Think about the enormous advantages I bring to the table.
- Likeability: Let us face it. No one disapproves of beer. The people who do not like beer, suck and do we want such people voting for Obama in the first place? Didn't think so.
- The somewhat suspicious male voter: The only other thing that may work to bring in that segment, apart from Obama's economic policies is Scarlett Johannson but she does not have any foreign policy experience so we don't want her on the ticket anyway.
- The ability to WIN states. I can guarantee Texas, Virginia, Colorado, New Mexico and Arizona will turn blue. In fact I will guarantee that any state with a very warm summer will be appreciative of me being on the ticket.
- Foreign Policy Cred: Beer has more foreign policy weight than most Republicans ever born. But what is more remarkable is that everyone who has beer becomes an instant expert on foreign policy. You must admit, that is a gift no other candidate brings to the table.
- I have a great, full head that looks astonishingly photogenic. When I appear on TV, people crave me. Badly.
- I go well with all cultures. I mean, I am as comfortable with a chicken korma as I am with a burger/hot dog. Who else has such versatility?
- Since Obama's message is about inclusiveness, I am a better closer of the deal. Beer makes instant friends of bitter enemies, and every conflict in the world literally can be solved by the simple words "Let me get you a beer". That is how useful I am.
- There is not one red blooded man who'd vote for McCain over me.
- There may be some women who do no. 8, but I guess Obama can remind them of McCain's record on women's rights and then offer them ME to seal the deal.
- I make everyone perform terribly in debates.
And you know what- no one can come up with better reasons for a VP than that. I don't even have to make promises. I just need to BE me.
On that note, I need to go. And if you have had so much of me, you may need to go to.
Goodbye.
EDIT: I see some "doubters" who display incredulous surprise that America can get behind an Imported Beer. To them I say, this. If the guy who wins is the guy you'd most have beer with, then why would you vote for the guy if you could have the beer? Huh? Huh? Besides, if it is cold, I can guarantee ANY beer would do.
I can unite every ethnic group in the United States of America!!!
As for those who ask me if I am 35 years old and born in Amurika...um...I have no comment at this point of time. But I am sure the campaign will make a comment...um...like really soon.