In anticipation of what will happen tomorrow... or Wednesday... or Thursday... or Friday... or Saturday... or Sunday... or Monday... or Tuesday... or Wednesday, here is The Official Daily Kos Bitch and Moan About Barack Obama's Vice Presidential Choice.
For Tim Kaine:
OH MY GOD! I can't believe he chose Tim Kaine! Every one knows no Democratic candidate has ever won the Presidency with a Vice President from one of the original commonwealths who has a five letter last name that rhymes with the state that Stephen King sets most of his great novels! Why, oh why didn't he nominate Hillary Clinton. We're doomed!
For Hillary Clinton:
OH MY GOD! I can't believe he chose Hillary Clinton! Every one knows no Democratic candidate has ever won the Presidency with a Vice President who once claimed to be ready on day one, who has fallopian tubes and whose husband once ate all the value meals at McDonalds in one sitting! Why, oh why didn't he nominate Tim Kaine. We're doomed!
For Bill Richardson:
OH MY GOD! I can't believe he chose Bill Richardson! Every one knows no Democratic has ever won the Presidency with a Vice President who once didn't have a beard before he had a beard before he didn't have a beard! Also, Bill Richardson is Hispanic, which will piss off some voters somewhere who we'll need to win in some state that when we don't win will be the state that we needed to win! Why didn't he nominate Kathleen Sebelius! We're doomed!
For Kathleen Sebelius:
OH MY GOD! I can't believe he chose Kathleen Sebelius! Every one knows that no Democratic candidate has ever won the Presidency with a Vice President who was a girl, but not Hillary Clinton and comes from a state that was once in the title of a book called "What's The Matter With Kansas?" Also, Kathleen Sebelius doesn't have a penus, which will piss off some voters somewhere who we'll need to win in some state that when we don't win will be the state that we needed to win! Why, oh why didn't he nominate Bill Richardson!?! We're doomed!
For Joe Biden:
OH MY GOD! I can't believe he chose Joe Biden! Every one knows that no Democratic candidate has ever won the Presidency with a Vice President whose state fossil is Belemnite and who can be counted on to say something so stupid that even Homer Simpson would know to keep his mouth shut! We're doomed!
For Colin Powell:
OH MY GOD! Double-stuff with teh blacks! We're doomed!
For Evan Bayh:
OH MY GOD! A guy who has a silent "h" at the end of his last name (talk about elitist) and votes like a Republican! Why, oh why didn't he nominate Sam Nunn?!? We're doomed!
For Sammmmmm Nunnnnnnn:
OH MY GOD! A guy who has a silent "n" at the end of his last name (talk about elitist) and IS a Republican! Why, oh why didn't he nominate Evan Bayh?!? We're doomed!
For Hertzog Van Gruelstein:
OH MY GOD! The worst! The absolute worst! There could have been no possible more idiotic choice in the whole wide-- Wait? WHO?!? Fuck it... WE'RE DOOMED!
For Tom Daschle:
OH MY GOD! Did Hertzog Van Gruelstein turn him down? We're Doomed!