Okay, here's another one. Several of you have posted these types of things in the past. I usually ignore them when I find them in my inbox. Sometimes I retort. Here's the latest from Uncle Fathead along with my response. I'm sure most of you have seen the email he sent. It's been around before. I have to admit, rebutting this was a lazy person's excersize. The original version is fairly low-hanging fruit. I'm not really proud to stoop to his level, but I get tired of there being few "anti-conservative-idiocy" emails. Yosef52 made a couple that you can find here. I've often wondered why "their side" has so much negative crap that gets passed around. Is whining and finger-pointing a prerequisite for membership in the conservative club?
Anyway, do with it as you will. I substituted "conservative" for what would have been a more parallel "Republican". Uncle Fathead is a very conservative Independant. If I had said "Republican," he would have written back and said "Yeah, they're just as bad!" He likes being an Indy so he can bitch about everything.
First, Fathead's offering:
I'm voting Democrat because I believe the government will do a better job of spending the money I earn than I would.
I'm voting Democrat because freedom of speech is fine as long as nobody is offended by it.
I'm voting Democrat because when we pull out of Iraq I trust that the bad guys will stop what they're doing because they now think we're good people.
I'm voting Democrat because I believe that people who can't tell us if it will rain on Friday CAN tell us that the polar ice caps will melt away in ten years if I don't start driving a Prius.
I'm voting Democrat because I'm not concerned about the slaughter of millions of babies so long as we keep all death row inmates alive.
I'm voting Democrat because I believe that business should not be allowed to make profits for themselves. They need to break even and give the rest away to the government for
redistribution as THEY see fit.
I'm voting Democrat because I believe three or four pointy headed elitist liberals need to rewrite the Constitution every few days to suit some fringe kooks who would NEVER get their agendas past the voters.
I'm voting Democrat because I believe that when the terrorists don't have to hide from us over there, when they come over here I don't want to have any guns in the house to fight them off
with.
I'm voting Democrat because I love the fact that I can now marry whatever I want. I've decided to marry my horse.
I'm voting Democrat because I believe oil companies' profits of 4% on a gallon of gas are obscene but the government taxing the same gallon of gas at 15% isn't.
Makes ya wonder how anyone would EVER vote Democrat , now doesn't it?
Decision 2008, vote McCain, America doesn't need 'B O'.....
And my response:
I’m voting for a conservative because I believe that the government should be capable of keeping the entire country safe and its infrastructure sound without any help from it's citizens. I believe that those who want to give to the government will apparently do so fairly and voluntarily, but that for me, freedom should be free.
I’m voting for a conservative because I believe that only speech that I find acceptable should be allowable. I believe that people with whom I disagree should be silenced because if they're speaking then they can't hear me pray, regardless of the fact that God said to pray in private, because when It comes to prayer, I know better than God.
I’m voting for a conservative because might always makes right and we should be allowed to invade/sanction/destroy any country we want to in the name of democracy as long as there is a profit to be made.
I’m voting for a conservative because it’s my God-given right to use and abuse this planet in any way that I see fit. I believe that tomorrow’s generations owe me the ability to consume everything I can see, buy, grab, suck, mine, drill and steal, because I believe in the conservative mantra: "What’s here now is mine now!"
I’m voting for a conservative because I believe that it is the duty of our government to oversee the function and usage of every uterus from sea to shining sea. I believe in forced pregnancy and forced labor. I believe that it is my right to abandon any interest in both the woman and the infant after the forced birth takes place.
I’m voting for a conservative because it's just not fair that God has to do all of the judging. That's what the death penalty is for - to give God a break. And besides, there's just no other feeling in the world like the tingle I get when another sinner gets snuffed.
I’m voting for a conservative because I believe that every corporation, no matter how large and rapacious, should be allowed to profit at the expense of the environment, at the expense of our standard of living and most of all, at the expense of its workers physical, financial and emotional well-being.
I’m voting for a conservative because of their proven track record for disregarding the Constitution and handing unlimited power to the executive branch, and I'm sure that the grace of God will keep that wholesale destruction of the system of governmental checks and balances from coming back and biting us conservative geniuses in the ass.
I’m voting for a conservative because I have no confidence in our armed forces and I know that if we don’t take the fight to someone else’s country and maim their wives and kill their sons and burn their daughters beyond recognition and dismember their grandbabies, then the terrorists will instantly be all over our land – but I will be safe, because when the scary brown hordes teem across the border, I will be holding the new shoulder mounted rocket launcher allowed me by conservative gun laws.
I’m voting for a conservative because I believe it is the the job of the government to uphold my bigotry by passing laws that discriminate against anyone that I think is icky.
I’m voting for a conservative because I honestly believe that 11 billion dollars in profit by one oil company in one quarter is completely acceptable even if the explanation of said profit turns into a boardwalk shell game perpetrated by a plaid-suited con man with oil-slicked hair.
I'm voting for a conservative because I believe that conversations about what defines "torture" are acceptable and that if I just squeeze my eyes shut tight enough while I kneel and chant "Blessed are those who waterboard!" loudly enough, then I will be able to stave off the bowel-loosening fear that the citizens of this fine land are in the deepest moral and ethical cesspool ever.
I’m voting for a conservative because what this planet needs is another posturing frat boy who rose from the bottom of his graduating class to the top of the imperial food chain on a mushroom cloud of smirking narcissism.
I’m voting for a conservative because I am too lazy to look any deeper into complex issues than the sound bites that are issued to me.
I’m voting for a conservative because I believe in taking care of myself at the expense of others.
I’m voting for a conservative because I believe that greed is good.
I’m voting for a conservative because I believe that war is the answer.
And there's only one way to get all that: by voting for loot-and-spend, 100-year-war, bomb-bomb Iran, serial adulterer John "Bush Lite" McCain.
Well, then. There it is. I don't rant often. I know I got away from the point-by-point feel of the whole thing, but I got to testifying and, well, Katie bar the door.
And I had no idea how to tag this. Any assistance would be appreciated.