WTF is this nonsense?
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So, apparently, Sam at AT&T (sam.wilson@wiretaps.att.com) isn't talking to me since I outed him on yesterday's diary. He says: "You can get all your liberal fartard blogger friends to e-mail me all you want, but it won't help. Go to hell. As for that thing in Detroit, we're EVEN." This is unfortunate, since he'd be the only one who could get me anything from day 2. Fortunately, I anticipated this might happen, so I e-mailed my other friend, Sandra Smythe (ssmythe@teambush.att.com). Damn. did it again - sorry Sandy. She was able to get me some stuff from day 3. Apologies for the gap in coverage.
Update: Some have complained that these exchanges are inaccessible to people from John Adam's time (like Senator McCain). I have provided translations into older registers of English as a courtesy to those readers.
?
Hello? Are you there?
Dood! finally!
My good friend! At last!
yeah. jst found my BBRy
Yes, it has been a while. I was without my transponder for some time
Wheres Mitthead?
Where is former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney?
still at the body shop
He is still at the automotive repair facility
wht abt Lndsy?
And the honorable Lindsey Graham?
gets releasd next thrsday
I’m afraid he will not be released until next thursday
gzr not happy. sez he wnts lndsy back in time 4 VP anncmnt
Senator McCain is most displeased! He indicates that he would like the honorable Senator Graham to return in time for the Vice Presidential selection announcement
tell him 2 take it up wth the chinese
Then Senator McCain will have to inquire with the Chinese. I wash my hands of that affair
you get the pants back in olbrmns room?
Did you succeed in returning the pants to Mr. Olberman’s hotel room?
had skeletor do it. she says nobdy saw hr.
I instructed noted conservative commentator Anne Coulter to do it on my behalf. She assures me that she completed the task unnoticed.
U get all the hair out first?
And you successfully removed the hair before the garment was returned
Most. He wont notce
The majority of it. What remains will likely escape Mr. Olberman’s attention
hope not. wht about the vet?
Let us pray it does. What about the matter concerning that veterinarian?
bit of a prblm. wants 30 grand or he goes 2 teh press
Ah! That may prove to be something of a "sticky wicket". The gentleman has intimated that he will require a bribe of some thirty thousand dollars US, or he will bring his story to the attention of the media
wtf? how u gonna covr that?
Great heavens! How will pay for a such a bribe?
stpfrdwf’s black card. need the number
I had in mind to use Mrs. McCain’s American Express Centurion card. I assume you can still furnish me with the number?
oh. duh. of crs. here: 4267 6464 6486 5673 , expires 7/2012
Oh, how silly of me to forget! Here is the number my friend: 4267 6464 6486 5673. Please note the expiry date of July, 2012
lol. tht card wll outlive gzr! whts the little nmbr thingy on teh back
You know, an amusing thought occurs to me: that card may outlive the good senator from Arizona, given his advanced years! Say. before I forget, please take a minute to send me the digits of the security code on the back of the card. I must say, those extra 3 numbers always put my mind at ease when I shop on line.
oh. 769. U get blwjbs his speech bak?
Certainly, they do, and my apologies for forgetting. They are 769. Say, that reminds me, did you return the speech draft to former President William Jefferson Clinton?
Yep. He's deliverng it now.
Yes. In fact he is delivering that speech now before a plenary session of the delegates and other attendees
I see it on tv. Looks like your edits didn't make it in
Of course. I see it on the color television. I notice, however, that some of your suggested remarks were omitted in subsequent editing.
Didn't thnk thy would.
As I suspected they would be.
sorry. I likd the part about restorng pants 2 the white hosue.
My sympathies, good friend. I especially enjoyed your remarks about mitigating the levels of open sexual aggression in the seat of the presidency
Thx. Gzr make up his mind about the vp yet?
Your sympathy is noted. Did the esteemed senior senator from Arizona decide, at last, on a running mate?
fckn dont ask dood. he cant decide and thn whn he does decide he 4gets the nxt day.
Oh, I wish you wouldn’t inquire about such a sore topic, my good friend. Though now that you have I shall speak. You see, Senator McCain has difficulty deciding, and even when he appears to have reached a decision, his resolve goes away entirely after a night of sleep
so just make hm write it dwn
Perhaps writing down his decision and reasoning would help him sustain the continuity of thought he needs.
duznt wrk. sez its not his hndwrtng. sez its a commie plot.
A suggestion I have already tried, my friend. Alas, in vain. The senator barely recognizes the work of his own hand, denies that what was written was his own work rather than the work of a soviet infiltrator
well. dood. this convention kicks so much ass. He's going 2 have 2 pick Jsus if he wnts to compete.
Well, I must tell you my dear friend. This democratic convention is such a resounding success. Senator McCain simply must decide, and he must choose no less a figure than Christ himself if he is to have a chance of victory agains Senators Obama and Biden
Jsus didnt vet. apprntly he used to be agnst captl pnshmnt and his stance on war is weak.
Ah, but there is a cynical spirit in me that suspects that even the Lord would not meet the stringent tests laid before a modern day vice presidential candidate. For one thing, the Saviour’s views on capitol punishment and answering conflict would receive a cold welcome in the halls of republican polity
lol. yeah: blah blah other cheek. WHAM! how'd that feel jsus! etc....
An amusing image comes to mind, one in which Jesus is expounding upon the principle of "turning the other cheek" and is suddenly and remorselessly struck by one of our esteemed colleagues, who, upon striking his own creator, would taunt him and exhort him to reevaluate his pacifist worldview
gzr HAD been tlkng about kyblyhtchnface. refered to her as a VPILF
On the former topic... the senator HAD indicated some interest in Kay Bailey Hutchinson. He remarked, in particular, how handsome she was, and how she possessed great "executive assets"
sweet moses I just pukd myself. my bbry is littrlly covrd in puke. there is puke in my kybrd now, disintegrtng the protectve plastc and going aftr teh circuits.
Hmmm. That is a most disturbing development. I am almost beside myself with concern over the implications.
dood. if yr gonna type tht much u mght as well use all teh vowls.
Please elaborate
aeiouaouie. keep the chnge
I choose not to. On this matter, I keep my own council. You will need to draw your own conclusions
thx. dont wrry abt kyblyhtchnfce. Now gzr wants 2 thro darts at a map
understood. In any case, do not be overly concerned. The Senator has also indicated interest in leaving the decision to fate!
LOL. How would taht work?
Good heavens, Man! What on earth might he be implying
no fkn idea. know where I can get a map with Prussia on it? gzr sez all my maps are all bullshit.
Truly I haven’t the slightest notion. Perhaps you know of a good diviner or soothsayer who might be of help in this.
Idk. Ask dipschmdt.
you would need to ask Steve Schmidt for such a recommendation
He's at his magic the gthrmg trnamnt.
Alas, he is engaged in a weeklong contest involving games of chance and skill.
hld on. frkn Bidn speakng
I apologize for interrupting you, my friend, but Senator Biden is taking the stage, it appears, and I wish to listen
dood. he got mad young since saturdy
My good man, I must remark at how rejuvenated the senator looks since his previous appearance
thats his kid. army+attorny general of delaware
I’m afraid you’ve made an honest mistake, friend. That is his son, a Captain in the Delaware National Guard, JAG corps, and that state’s attorney general
fkn lawyr+army+rugged gd lks = laid X alwys
Land sakes! A man with a military position, a law degree and such classic handsomeness is sure to impress the fairer sex.
no sht. fkn overachvr.
You have an excellent point. I envy this man’s talent, gifts, and drive.
dnt wrry. here comes his pop. gonna stck foot in mouth 4 shizzle
But put aside such thoughts. The senator himself is now speaking. I anticipate him making yet another of the many verbal faux pas for which he is legend
"4 shizzle"? wow. how hip and urban of u. dood, can I get ur will.i.am collection for my nano?
faux pas? For shame, friend, relying on your lexicon of borrowed French to express such parochial concepts. Do you not recognize your own pretension?
stfu. have 2 listen 4 the gaffes.
Oh, let it rest. I must listen for the Senator’s "goofs"
...
...
fk. done
He has finished
dood. we r supr fuckd
My friend, that was a remarkable speech. The senator’s success bodes ill for our own campaign.
no fkn sht. ok. gotta get 2 the taxidermist b4 they close.
I agree. I must excuse myself, as I need to appear at the taxidermists establishment before the close of business
oh. 4got about tht! good luck dood.
Ah yes, of course. Fare well in that venture my friend.
WTF is this nonsense?
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