(Courtesy of Associated Python news service...and Obamaism.org)
Presidential candidate John McCain appeared flabbergasted at a news conference today, in multiple confused and shell-shocked ways, as he rolled out his Vice-Presidential choice.
Literally rolled her out: the Arizona U.S. senator had Palin posing on top of a cart in a beauty-queen pose as he pushed the small vehicle. McCain started by saying, smirkingly, "! I would like to introduce this inspiring slice of baked Alaska, Sarah Palin, as my new running mate! Emphasis on 'mate'! Heh heh heh my friends! And she sure loves to DRILL!"
Reporters in the room moaned, though not in ecstasy, as McCain ranted on, "You thought Obama was pretty, but..."
(more below, yo ho)
McCain then suddenly looked highly pained and worried, as if waking from a dream, as he looked at the beaming Palin--who was wearing a rather skimpy T-shirt saying (in smallish letters), "Abortion stinks--but being a beauty contestant and getting people sexually aroused and impregnating each other is fine!"--, and whispered, "My God! What have I done..."
The Republican presumed nominee then announced to the audience, holding up his hands, "My press base maverick friends: this was all a little joke, like we did to keep up our spirits in POW camp. ...My real running mate is . Funny, elegant, British--foreign policy experience, see?--: just perfect for VP.
"In the event, that, uh, British citizens are ineligible to be my running mate, I may rechoose andpickChuckabeeorRomneyoranyoneIcanfindatthislatepoint. But it's Michael, for now. Really. Would I lie to you?"? He flashed his teeth to the audience.
Then, the desperate candidate (who, by the way, was desperately flaunting his own T-shirt with flashing neon letters reading "Beware Obama bin Biden"), borrowed a flaming tree branch from a local Klansman at the rally and waved it at Palin aggressively, screaming, "Go back to Iceland, devil woman!" Remarkably, though, a moment later, the candidate, appearing to squint and look at Palin closely and to be reweighing his thoughts, cried out, "Hey, you're a pretty good-lookin' beauty queen! Just like my wife Cindy!", before he tried to jump on Palin.
However, before he could complete this aggressive operation, McCain was eaten by a polar bear that was wandering nearby (as part of an "Alaskan Governor's Exhibit" put up by the campaign) and that galloped off with the bellowing candidate inside.
UPDATE: Last word from McCain's campaign staff was the senator bravely refused to leave the polar bear's stomach until all the fish that were inside for longer than he was were let out first, and that McCain issued a statement: "I'm a POW goddamit! And me 'n my hot buddy Sarah gonna POW POW POW TOGETHER IN THIS ELECTION!!!"
SUPER UPDATE: Although Monty Python disbanded years ago, a press release from a certain M. Palin has just come out, saying, "This McCain bloke is so stupid, we're going to reform just to make fun of him!
"And to make fun of his running mate!
"--'NOBODY expects the Sarah-Palinish Inquisition!!'"