As those of you following this series might be aware, these dispatches have been somewhat unreliable of late. My primary source for these txt logs, Sam Wilson (samwilson@warrantlesswiretapping.att.com) took some offense at my "thanking him" in a previous edition and giving out his (old) email. Not only did he cut off all further logs, but notified certain federal authorities about my green card having frayed laminate and the picture being a little out of date (so I'm Canadian, deport me). And, in spite of the $275 fine, the random federal processing fee ($43), the mandatory cavity search every time I go to Montreal to see family, etc., I guess I don't really blame Sam Wilson. And, hopefully, his latest e-mail will sort of mend things:
From: samwilson.warrantlesswiretapping.att.com
To: zeiben@[****].com
cc:
Re: Sorry dude
Attachments: RIM.att.rpblcn.DONOTSHAREUNDERANYCIRCUMSTANCES.zip
Hey man. Guess I went overboard a little. If it helps, I've been reading your diaries on that blog thing. Your piece on smoking was really touching. I read most of it. You DO realize you were eulogizing the author of a self help book, right? Like are you gonna write one for Dr. Phil next? What about that other really cheesy one... THE SECRET - you gonna write about that? Did that change your life?
Oh that's right, no it didn't, because you can't friggin KEEP A SECRET, can you? You have no idea how much spam I get from your henna-tatooed liberal blogger friends. Apparently I'm now part of some "mortgage refinancing web ring". I got about 30000 emails a day - I don't even own a bloody house. I had to get a new address, send all my friends and family one of those idiotic letters:
"Hey Everybody, here's my new f*cking email address, I'm sure you're all gonna update your Outlook calendars and NOT e-mail me at my old address for the next three goddammed years and then bitch at me because I never answered your dumb email that I didn't want to read anyway"
.
But, you know, whatever. Water under the bridge, as they say. I told you I'd make up the green card thing to you, and I keep my promises, unlike some liberal fartards I could name. The attached transcript is the last - hear me: THE LAST one you're gonna get, and I'd better not see it on the doily kos, mkay? Idiot.
- SW
BTW: some guys from work are having a rockband tournament this weekend if you're interested. lemme know.
So anyway, this looks like it might really be the last GZR Dispatch, but who knows, I'll see if I can patch things up with Sam (Sam Wilson, Sky Lake Apartments #343, 1200 Davis Way, Dallas TX, 75211)
-- UTC TimeStamp: 2 Sep. 2008, 13:31:43 --
Dood, thx 4 teh lawyr. whr u fnd hm, DOJ?
UR kiddng right? blah blah... I love Bush... blah blah. fckn robots. no, I got one teh fired ones
black card?
u got it. hows the nw assignmnt?
dood, fckn shoot me NOW.
whatevr. U hear lbrmns speech teh othr day? bad enuf I gotta listen 2 lndsy bitch about not speakng, but after lbrmn dissd hm...
oh fck dood, taht’s gotta suck.
he keeps flickng everybody
flickng?
yeh, but he suks at it, so its more like a poke. gzr cant feel it, stpfrdwf likes it, rckdvs kickd lndsy in the crtch but it didnt phase hm, and lbrmn jst keeps going "hmarph hmarph, I hmade a jmoke at hmyour hmexpense" etc...
ugh. u get all the blck ppl u hired from NOLA 2 teh convntn ok?
yeah but when they got hre they thght it was a klan rally so thy took off. blah blah...rather die in flood... blah blah. you done wth mcveep’s spch yet?
yeah, prtty smpl: ( God + (God X God ) - gays - abortion - (great whore) - taxes + oil ) + SQRT (jerusalem) / cod liver
X 9/11
=mcbullshit
lol
WTF - hy guys!
oh fck
?
LOL ROFLMAO, I M TEH KOOL
Fck off, levi. This is a closd channel
Levi?
THATS RIGHT BIATCHZ, I IZ GONNA B TEH VP KIDZ BABY DADDY HIZZUZBAND. RESPEK!
fckn mcveep gave him a BBRY
can we block hm?
LOL. U CANT BLOCK SHIAT MOFOS. I IZ TEH MAC DADDY ON TEH HOCKY PUCK LOL. XPRES!
u undrstnd him?
no. hold on. Levi, r u awesm at txtng?
DOODZORZ, I IZ MAX HEADROOM!
omg. fckng kill me. I have to chaperone their date later.
Levi, how fast can u type "Bin Laden"?
FCK YAH MOFOS! IVE BIN "LADEN" SO MUCH AND WTH NO RUBBRZ. ISNT U READ TEH NOOZ?
ths dche gave me a hcky jrsy and mcveep is forcng me 2 wear it
Good Levi, how about "Freedom of Assembly"?
DOODZ! I FREELY ASSEMBLED AN AWESOME SNOWCAT! WANNA GO CATCH CHINOOK OFFSEASON L8TR?
mk it stp
Ok Levi - 1 more: "Alternative Energy"
ALARTVJIG ENGFY
?
Gonna have 2 do. Levi, stay put. when the black car shows up. Go with the nice man.
FCKN BBRYS R TEH LAME. I CAN HAZ IPHONEZ?
dohs?
dohs
LOL, U NOOBZ IZ TEH "DOH". ROFLMAO SUM OLD FCKR JST THOWD ME ON TEH GRND. TAKNG MY STASH, WTF
stay calm Levi, your going 2 a special vp kid party
dont 4 get the passwrd: "Alaska Akbar!" shout it loud, and you get a special prize...
....
LOL. thx.
anytme.
What exactly is a "GZR Dispatch"?
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