Just got back from my daughter's soccer game where I talked to a couple of my neighbors who are supporting McCain. Yes, they're supporting the other guy...but, the combination of the Bush Presidency and the Republican ticket has softened them up. They're worried, about both McCain and Obama. I have other neighbors who are still stalwart Republicans, but they too seem more anxious, and seem more anxious to talk politics than I've ever seen them . In fact, politics, amazingly, has become a daily topic of conversation in my town. People really are asking questions about the state of the country, and, implicitly, what they think a better society might look like. Some of my conservative neighbors are actually talking about things like American individualism vs. the virtues of community. Really. So, how to talk with my neighbors without getting in an argument? Here's what I'm doing:
Most conversations start in the front yard, or walking the dog, or in the grocery store, at the kid's school and sports activities, and all the rest of the ordinary places that define my town. A neighbor may say:
"Hey Joe, Bob told me you're for that Obama." I smile and say: "You bet." Then I'll say something like, "Frank, How can I help you become an Obama supporter too." Then I laugh, and they laugh. Then I'll say something like, "Seriously, what is the biggest thing about Obama that would prevent you from giving him your vote?" They'll mention taxes, or energy, or Iraq and foreign policy, or national security, or "he's the most liberal Senator," or "he wants to socialize my medical care," or "he's inexperienced." What I don't hear much of is the crazier internet crap or issues that reflect the culture wars. Normally, our conversation quickly lands on a policy issue.
Once we've identified their biggest issue, I ask them what the think Obama and McCain's position are. Let's say it taxes. They've heard from McCain advertising and speeches that Obama will raise their taxes (just like all tax and spend Democrats always do). I'll say something like, "It's true, Obama favors letting the Bush tax cuts, which were targeted to benefit people at the top, expire as they were originally intended." But, I'll continue, "Obama has actually proposed a cut for middle-class workers. In fact, the vast majority of Americans will pay less taxes if Obama is elected. It is simply a rhetorical trick," I'll explain, "that allows McCain to say Obama will raise your taxes." Then they may say, "But raising taxes at all will hurt the economy." Then, I'll ask, "Just what was the purpose of tax cuts that privledge people at the top?" They'll usually come up with some form of a supply-side argument. "But," I'll then ask, "has it worked the last 8 years, or are you more insecure than when Clinton was president?"
Obviously there are infinite variations--on many different issues--that conversations like this can take. But, what I've found is that listening, rather than talking, gets the conversation much further down the road. My neighbors deserve respect, and their views--no matter how they differ my mine--deserve respect as well. My neighbors don't want to have a series of indictments about the evils of Bush and the Republican Party shouted at them. They don't want to get in a confrontation. When conversations do get a little hot, I smile and laugh all the more. I listen, I smile, I argue about the content of policies rather than the character of Republicans. Sometimes, my neighbors and I actually unpack all the rhetoric and get to the substance. But, most of all, I ask polite questions and then listen listen listen.
The point for me is this: I live in this town with people who don't agree with my poliitcal perspective. However, they are my neighbors and we are all confronted with the same challenges, we all have a stake in the same future. That's how I see them, and I think that perspective allows my neighbors and I to talk about American politics with reason and (sometimes) intellectual honesty.
Now, I can't say that anyone has changed their vote because of this. But, we're not mad at each other either. What I can say, is that this election has sparked conversations that I never thought I'd have. In some weird way, it is bridging divides in my town. That, I think, is part of how you do build that better society that everyone hopes to live in.