At Princess Palin University in scenic Wasilla, Alaska, students receive a strong educational foundation that will enable them to make monumental life decisions without a moment's hesitation. Because in the tradition of the university's namesake...
GIBSON: And you didn't say to yourself, "Am I experienced enough? Am I ready? Do I know enough about international affairs? Do I -- will I feel comfortable enough on the national stage to do this?"
PALIN: I didn't hesitate, no. (ABC News, 9/11/2008)
Russian Studies is one of the most popular majors at PPU, due in large part to the advanced method of learning through osmosis.
As you can see, Russia is Alaska's next door neighbor... practically closer to Alaska than the United States is! Through Proximity Osmosis, students are not required to attend classroom courses to receive credit towards their Russian Studies Major; they are simply required to remain in Alaska for a period of about two years.
And, Charlie, you're in Alaska. We have that very narrow maritime border between the United States, and the 49th state, Alaska, and Russia. They are our next door neighbors.We need to have a good relationship with them. They're very, very important to us and they are our next door neighbor.
GIBSON: What insight into Russian actions, particularly in the last couple of weeks, does the proximity of the state give you?
PALIN: They're our next door neighbors and you can actually see Russia from land here in Alaska, from an island in Alaska.
GIBSON: What insight does that give you into what they're doing in Georgia?
PALIN: Well, I'm giving you that perspective of how small our world is and how important it is that we work with our allies to keep good relation with all of these countries, especially Russia.(ABC News)
The PPU International Studies Department also offers a proxy learning component.
GIBSON: Did you ever travel outside the country prior to your trip to Kuwait and Germany last year?
PALIN: Canada, Mexico, and then, yes, that trip, that was the trip of a lifetime to visit our troops in Kuwait and stop and visit our injured soldiers in Germany. That was the trip of a lifetime and it changed my life.
GIBSON: Have you ever met a foreign head of state?
PALIN: There in the state of Alaska, our international trade activities bring in many leaders of other countries.
GIBSON: And all governors deal with trade delegations.
PALIN: Right.
GIBSON: Who act at the behest of their governments.
PALIN: Right, right.
GIBSON: I'm talking about somebody who's a head of state, who can negotiate for that country. Ever met one?
PALIN: I have not and I think if you go back in history and if you ask that question of many vice presidents, they may have the same answer that I just gave you. (ABC News)
Our One-Sided Debate Team instructs students how to score points without having to address their opponents, reality, or even questions from the media. This extra-curricular is particularly popular with student majoring in Truth-Mangling.
PALIN: I guess a small-town mayor is sort of like a "community organizer," except that you have actual responsibilities. (RNC Acceptance Speech, 9/3/2008
PALIN: I told Congress 'thanks but no thanks on that Bridge to Nowhere.’ (Seven seperate stump speeches in a two-week period)
PALIN: I sold it [the Governor's jet] on Ebay. (like Bridge to Nowhere, spoken on many occasions)
For the numerous "Wal-Mart Moms" who attend PPU, degrees are offered in Masterful Sculpting of One Choice Hairstyle...
... and Middle Earth Style Child Naming.
PALIN: Our son Track is 19... Track is the eldest of our five children... In our family, it's two boys and three girls in between -- my strong and kindhearted daughters Bristol, Willow, and Piper. And in April, my husband Todd and I welcomed our littlest one into the world, a perfectly beautiful baby boy named Trig. From the inside, no family ever seems typical.
The PPU Library offers a wide selection of books on the End of Times, Holy Wars, God Fearing, and Interpretive Presidential History.
GIBSON: You said recently, in your old church, "Our national leaders are sending U.S. soldiers on a task that is from God." Are we fighting a holy war?
PALIN: You know, I don't know if that was my exact quote.
GIBSON: Exact words.
PALIN: But the reference there is a repeat of Abraham Lincoln's words when he said -- first, he suggested never presume to know what God's will is, and I would never presume to know God's will or to speak God's words.
(ABC News)
Afore referenced Abraham Lincoln quote: "Our task should not be to invoke religion and the name of God by claiming God's blessing and endorsement for all our national policies and practices—saying, in effect, that God is on our side. Rather... we should pray and worry earnestly whether we are on God's side."
The PPU Women's Health Center generously distributes free Bibles to students expressing a desire to be sexually active.
And students looking to study foreign languages need look no further than the PPU Language Learning Center. In order to accomodate the need to speak many languages in our multicultural world, Tongues is taught to all students.
Won't you apply to join us on our holy learning crusade?