As the head of the newly formed Committee to Replace Sarah Palin, and on behalf of the Republican Party, I would like to apologize to our base for nominating a person so unprepared for being Vice President that she is unable to even talk to the press. To demonstrate our respect for our faithful base, we would like to replace her with someone more accessible.
At this late date, it is difficult to find a person stupid enough to want to run, but since it is well known that our base would vote for a ham sandwich as long as it believed in the Rapture, our first step in our thorough vetting process will be to conduct a poll to determine how many ham sandwiches actually do believe in the Rapture. So please do not participate in this poll unless you actually are a ham sandwich.