Presidential humor in two parts.
Part I jokes told by McCain
Part II jokes about McCain
Part I jokes told by McCain
McCain likes to tell jokes. His supporters believe that it reflects his sense of humor. But from these jokes we can get a good peek at his personality.
1986:
Did you hear the one about the woman who is attacked on the street by a gorilla, beaten senseless, raped repeatedly and left to die? When she finally regains consciousness and tries to speak, her doctor leans over to hear her sigh contently and to feebly ask, 'Where is that marvelous ape?'
After learning that Reagan had Alzheimer's:
Do you know the best thing about having Alzheimer's? You get to hide your own Easter eggs.
June 1998 when Chelsea was 18:
Why is Chelsea Clinton so ugly?
Because her father is Janet Reno.
October 2006 before midterm election:
What would you do if the Democrats takeover the Senate in the November 7 elections?
I think I'd just commit suicide. I don't want to face that eventuality because I don't think it's going to happen.
During 2000 presidential primary:
I hate the gooks. I will hate them as long as I live.
2002 on Fox:
The French remind me a little bit of an aging actress of the 1940s who is still trying to dine out on her looks but doesn't have the face for it.
During 2008 presidential primary:
Do you know that old Beach Boys song, Bomb Iran? Bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb Iran...
During 2008 presidential primary:
What happened to the staff who had deserted the campaign?
There was a short period of waterboarding to find out what they did in their absence.
To Cindy McCain when she angered him for joking about his bald hair:
At least I don't plaster make-up on like a trollop, you c**t.
What would the world think of a country that vote for a person like this to be their president?
Part II jokes about McCain
Jay Leno:
Have you seen the new commercial? The McCain campaign compares Barack Obama to Britney Spears and Paris Hilton. And today the Obama campaign released an ad comparing John McCain to Zsa Zsa Gabor and Bea Arthur.
David Letterman:
John McCain is actively courting women over 60. And I'm thinking, who does this guy think he is, Ashton Kutcher?
Anonymous:
McCain was having a beer with Todd Palin when he asked if he had any naked pictures of his wife. Palin said he did not. McCain then reached into his jacket and asked if he wanted some. Shortly after the two enjoyed a good belly laugh, McCain's rendition of the classic joke aired on CNN. A McCain spokesman said that the Senator "deeply regrets his mistake."
Barack Obama’s staff and John McCain’s staff are renegotiating the time for the first presidential debate. Obama insists that it is in September. McCain says that would not be fair. It has to wait until he remembers where he put his reading glasses.
Barack Obama:
Sen. McCain bragged about how as chairman of the Commerce Committee in the Senate, he had oversight of every part of the economy. Well, all I can say to Sen. McCain is, 'Nice job. Nice job.'
Barack Obama:
[McCain] tells us that he's the one who's going to take on the old boys network. The old boys network. In the McCain campaign that's called a staff meeting.
Barack Obama:
...if you think those lobbyists are working day and night for John McCain just to put themselves out of business, well then I've got a bridge to sell you up in Alaska.
And the biggest joke of all:
Promising "Change" in Washington, McCain Accepts GOP Nomination