Sorry if this isn't "substantive" enough, but I thought it deserved a wider audience. My good friend Dan Gofan just sent this to me.
"I cannot debate Barack today",
Said grumpy old man John McCain.
"My pressure's up, my polls are down,
My first wife lost her pageant crown."
"I must buy a house, perhaps a car,
Throw your money to the war.
I was a prisoner for five long years,
I need a break to drink some beers."
"Sarah derailed the Straight Talk Express,
I cannot work with all this stress.
The terrorists might go berserk,
My dog ate my Senate homework."
"I'm worried about the hurricane,
I need more money for my campaign.
I need a nap, my wrinkles hurt,
The Constitution I must subvert!"
"My heart is bad, my hair is...What?
What's that you say?
Economic downfall's on the way?
Goodbye, I have to save the U.S.A.!"
-By Dan Gofan (with apologies to Shel Silverstein)