While it remains unclear if his campaign is or is not in a suspended state, John McCain has taken a look at the poll numbers and made yet another bold announcement:
He is putting to rest any doubts about whether his campaign has been suspended, by announcing that his body will be frozen tomorrow -- placing himself in a state of "suspended animation".
Ever the proud patriot, McCain has declared that he intends to put "Country First Forever". With that goal in mind, the Senator is "volunteering for eternal duty". Senator McCain will fly to his home state of Arizona tomorrow, where he will be frozen -- placed in a cryogenic freeze that some believe can prolong life indefinitely. The Senator vowed to return whenever his country needs him. According to the Senator, "whenever there is a crisis", doctors will be instructed to initiate the process to re-animate the popsicle Senator. Once he has been re-animated, Senator McCain will return to Washington to show the "kind of leadership the country needs."
Senator McCain acknowledged that a cryogenic deep-freeze will signal the end of his current Presidential ambitions. Said the Senator, "My friends, I've read the polls. The people want Obama to be President now. However, once I am frozen, I can return at any time. If Obama falters, I can return to Washington to lead the nation in the Senate, or if needed to run for President again." Being frozen, the Senator added, will mean he will be "available always to respond to the 'all hands on deck' alert -- not just next week, but forever and ever." The Senator added, "I can think of no greater sacrifice, no more forceful way to prove that I'm the candidate in this race who will put 'Country First'."
Legal scholars are divided about the impact of this announcement. Some have insisted that McCain's Senate seat will have to be filled -- if not immediately, then when he is up for re-election in 2 years. The Senator did not personally answer whether he intended to stand for re-election, but his staff indicated that even in a block of ice, McCain would be a popular choice. According to Rick Davis, his campaign manager, "His sacrifice is undeniable, just like when he was a POW. I'm sure that the voters in Arizona will respond to the message he is sending today. If they need him, he will be at the ready, to represent Arizona, now and forever."
There was a range of reactions from prominent Democrats. Former President Bill Clinton opined "John McCain is a great man -- a real patriot. I have so much respect for this decision. Plus, if they thaw him in 30 years, he'll be younger than Obama." James Carville vowed to follow in McCain's footsteps, "after the next Mardi Gras" -- so that CNN could "defrost" him whenever McCain popped up again, "jest so people will hear from me". The Obama campaign has had no official reaction. Reached for comment, Obama spokesman Robert Gibbs was speechless.