First Officer's Log, Stardate... unknown. The Enterprise has encountered a space-time vortex and is now in orbit around planet Earth in the early 21st century. The crew has been adversely affected by the primitive TV signals which are carrying interviews with a severely mentally handicapped woman named Sarah Palin. Somehow, her mind has had an effect on the crew with something Geordi called "stupidium rays." Only my protective beard has saved me from coming down with this affliction.
Dr. Crusher is, unfortunately, at a conference with a medical colleague and is unable to help.
Captain Picard was the first to show the effects when he tried to communicate with the Palin entity...
Lieutenant Commander Data's positronic brain was unable to cope with the illogic in her statements and I fear he may be beyond repair.
I have tried to contact the engine room, but Lieutenant Commander LaForge is not responding and all that is coming across on the comm system is-
Needless to say, Lieutenant Worf is not pleased with the situation, despite my reassurances that he try to remain positive.
Ensign Crusher, meanwhile, has gone on strike.
The only other person on the ship who seems to still have her sanity is Guinan. Her people are apparently immune to Stupidium Radiation.
Please, someone out there, if anyone can hear me... Stop this woman! The fate of the Earth is at stake.
The Enterprise Crew will now take questions from the press.