A little humor, for inquiring minds do want to know.
I went to a friend's home in Northern Virginia to watch the vice-presidential debate. My friend "Clay" and I share a general support for Senator Obama's candidacy and a similar disdain for the policy priorities and governing philosophy the political career of the Republican VP nominee. After a slightly rough start by Senator Biden, we saw him pick up speed rapidly, delivering well-aimed blows at Senator McCain while handling his opponent's occasional barbs deftly. We also thought that Palin did not do badly, though our opinion of her as a political leader remained unchanged.
It's when she started giving me the hot, lustful, come-hither wink from her left eye that I began to pay a different sort of attention.
I am pretty sure that she was not giving it to my friend "Clay." I have known "Clay" for about 20 years. He and I go back and have a great deal in common; he is an honorary uncle to my two boys. One thing we don't have in common is that I am straight and he is gay - a source of many good-natured running jokes between us both ways (his usually aimed at my sweatpants-based weekend fashion sense.) Now it's possible that that she was winking at "Clay", but I was on the right side of the room opposite her left eye, whereas "Clay" was sitting on the left side. Next to the Clay Aiken book on his side table.
So, I began to ponder. Perhaps I am the DILF of all DILFs? It seemed profoundly unlikely. For example, I am an recently separated urban liberal Ivy League educated attorney like Barack Obama. Only white. And paunchy. And graying. And not as smart or scholarly as Professor Senator Obama. I have to confess that I do not - NOT - know how to butcher a moose, or ride a snowmobile. Also, I have the sweatpants-based weekendware of which "Clay" makes obscene, cruel ridicule. So it seemed very unlikely. Also, Governor Palin would almost certainly conclude, as did my ex-wife (amicably separated), that I as an atheist needed Jesus, and that the path to her heart (or whatever) went through the Cross.
But that come-hither, I-am-so-lonely-on-this-campaign-trail wink. Ahem. I am accustomed to Vice-Presidents who stare blankly (Quayle), pontificate soberly (Gore) or snarl with the evil mien of the Emperor Palpatine (Darth Cheney.) I don't think Cheney ever winked at me; I might prefer he shot me in the face.
Surely she must have had a prior paunchy middle-aged attorney with stubble and graying hair before as a paramour. Once you've had one, you know you never go back. Perhaps the fact that I am a Dad of two would make it easier (in her mind) to relate to a mother of five. Who knows? (If she was winking at "Clay" I am going to be royally miffed.)
Not that I would do anything, of course. I am not yet legally divorced, and I am a little Victorian about that kind of thing. And I don't want to break this poor snow-maiden mooseburger of love's heart. I want her to return to her true love in her home far FAR away from my beloved DC and its smog, its Wash-ing-tonnn be-you-row-cra-its, ya know, gosh? May Mighty Thor bless and keep her - northwest of Vancouver, BC.
After Governor Palin was done flirting with me shamelessly in probable eyeshot of her husband (who as an avid sportsman can, I suspect, fatally kick my doughy white ass), I began to realize. This was all a political pander - a LITERAL pander. She just wanted me to THINK she had the hots for me. She probably concluded that Senator Biden just would not be willing to pander that way for a vote from me. Turns out, he wasn't willing! (For which grace, a candle to the Blessed Virgin will be lit tomorrow.) She probably thought that I was a Virginian swing voter; after all, she was flirting with me shamelessly IN VIRGINIA!
Little does she know that I have done volunteer work in Team Obama's DC "aircraft carrier" sitting off of the coast of Virginia, near DC's U Street, phonebank calling Democrats and other friends of Barack to join in the effort to defeat Team Sauron in Virginia through shoeleather canvassing. But I must never tell this smitten lady any such thing; her slap across my mouth for being fresh with her would be justified.
I just hope my ex-wife doesn't find out before the end of the divorce. Gotta keep things amicable, ya know?