It's the first Monday in October--and sometimes our Justices can do Teh Snark:
"The School District cites the dangers faced by members of the band, who must "perform extremely precise routines with heavy equipment and instruments in close proximity to other students," and by Future Farmers of America, who "are required to individually control and restrain animals as large as 1500 pounds.
"Notwithstanding nightmarish images of out-of-control flatware, livestock run amok, and colliding tubas disturbing the peace and quiet of Tecumseh, the great majority of students the School District seeks to test in truth are engaged in activities that are not safety sensitive to an unusual degree. There is a difference between imperfect tailoring and no tailoring at all." ---Ruth Bader Ginsberg, dissenting in Bd. of Edu. of ISD#92 of Pottawotamie Cty. vs Earl, 2002
Cheers and Jeers MONDAY is in session! (Cue the theme music!) All rise! (BANG!)
DISCLAIMER: AAbshier's Cheers and Jeers are not affiliated in any way, shape, or form, with Bill in Portland Maine's Cheers and Jeers. The use of the words JEERS and CHEERS , the swoosh/gong device, pie references, pootie pics, lusty wenches, mattress references, whomps, moist, and flicked peas are all used with permission of Bill in Portland Maine and the members of the C&J Café community. Any further resemblances to BiPM`s Cheers and Jeers are deliberately coincidental. So there.
Note: I'm posting this from work, so I won't be in comments much this morning. But y'all usually have a good time without me anyway, so this is nothing new!
Doc's Bad Joke of the Week
(In the gray box so you can avoid it and not miss anything else)
Do you realize what might have happened if Sarah Palin had married Frank Zappa instead of Todd Palin?
Her eldest daughter would have been named Moose Unit Zappa!
Speaking of which, it's time for a C&J version of an Alton Weekly Inquirer feature....
Sarah Palin: Pure. Comedy. Gold.
Those trendlines kept dropping for Moose-alini all night; I don't think she won any friends at all. Well gosh darn it, our plucky heroine just couldn't pull this moose out of the creek! (Thanks to the great Al Rodgers for the screencap!)
Jeers to the one thing that can make cell phones even more annoying than they already are: Sarah Palin ringtones! Yes, if you are too slow to pick up your cell phone when it rings, our plucky heroine's voice over a hip-hop beat will surely make you answer it faster.
Jeers to yet more conservatives who get it wrong. NY Post columnist Arnold Ahlert, writing at Polical Mavens.com, sees Palin as the new front in the (yawn) Culture Wars:
If not for the insinuation of liberal decadence into every aspect of our culture, Sarah Palin–and all other women like her–would be almost universally admired. Forget politics for a moment. What’s not to like about a tough, God-fearing mother of five who’s elevated herself from the obscurity of a small town life to national prominence, even as she remains married to a decent hard-working guy who supports her aspirations?
Nothing. Until one imposes the elitist, liberal template on her.
This, of course, explains why white working-class voters are starting to break for Obama. Note to Arnold: few people find the Culture Wars the most important point in this election.
Cheers to accent-uating the accent. In a column on Jim Emerson's Scanners::Blog discussing Moose-alini's decidedly Minnesotan accent, Jim has a video mashup posted of Marge Gunderson, a character in the motion picture Fargo, interviewing Sarah Palin, so you can see and hear their accents side by side. In the comments section Jim writes:
Marge Gunderson has manners and decency and integrity and would never liken herself to a pit bull or suggest that it is admirable to behave like one. She also knows what words mean, and how to convey exactly what she wants to convey in conversation, which is why she's so devastating opposite Palin in the "interview" above.
I know Marge Gunderson. Sarah Palin is no Marge Gunderson. Palin just has an accent and a lot more lipstick.
Yah. You betcha! (BTW, the column also points out that the Wasilla Valley, where Moose-alini hails from, was originally settled by Minnesotans. So her accent, while laid on thick in the debate, is no affectation.)
Doc's NFL-Centric Cheers and Jeers!
Cheers to the St. Louis Rams, who didn't lose this week--but only because it was their bye week. There was much rejoicing across the land.
Jeers to the Republican advancement model from the Rams' front office. Defensive Coordinator Jim Haslett was named the new head coach after Scott Linehan was fired, despite the fact that Haslett's defense ranks 32nd (of 32 teams) in the NFL. With a record like that, he will surely be named to a position in the McCain campaign next.
Cheers or Jeers--depending on your point of view--to Blowout Sunday. Four games were decided by lopsided margins, with the winners including the Carolina Panthers, da Bearssss, the Noo Yawk Giants and....the Arizona Cardinals (the Arizona Cardinals? Really?). It was quite the spectacle if you liked dominating football, but not terribly interesting for others. Which brings me to....
Jeers for impersonating a professional football team, Week 5. Four teams--the Lions, Seahawks, Chiefs, and Buffalo (ouch) stood in for the Lambs this week, while the Lambs had their bye. I'm sure the Lion fans are missing Matt Millen already.
Jeers to snatching defeat from the jaws of victory. Sage Rosenfels, with a Houston Texans win over the Colts in hand, gave the game away in the last quarter with two costly fumbles. Who knew that he was such a good Democrat? (hand slap--"bad Doc! bad Doc!--hand slap)
Cheers to DE-FENSE! The Ravens-Titans matchup had a baseball score for much of the way, thanks to the two mighty defenses, but the Titans (the erstwhile Flaming Thumbtacks) put the game away late.
Cheers to KO, for the best soundbite of the night on Football Night in America. Narrating a clip showing Terrell Owens, Chad "Ocho Cinco" Johnson and Cowboys owner Jerry Jones, KO said that they got together to celebrate "a million soundbites between them."
Cheers to good health! Some of you might recall that Nancy had an attack of Crohn's disease back in April that landed her in the hospital for the weekend. It's been under control since then, and just last week she had a follow-up with the gastroenterologist, who said her disease is in remission!
Cheers to canvassing! Yesterday wasn't as good as last Sunday, but I still knocked on 86 doors by myself, made 20 contacts, and got voting identifications from 13 of those (two of them McCain supporters, damnit). So far, I've knocked on 198 doors since starting my canvassing in earnest two weeks ago. I'm hoping to reach 500 by the election.
Cheers to unintentional comedy. On NPR's Morning Edition a story was aired on Liberty University's efforts to mobilize their students for the election. Fair enough, except that: 1) the school has a "Jesse Helms School of Government", 2) a student said she was voting for McCain because (paraphrasing) "his life represents Christian values", and 3) there are Obama supporters on campus. The two Obama-supporting students said they set up a table and signed up about 150 volunteers on campus. I don't know if the clip or transcript is up yet, but it's worth a look!
Cheers to pooties! Cairo loves the back of our new couch:
Bill will be back tomorrow, and I'll return with my own column on Friday morning! In the meantime, the floor is open! What do you have to Cheer and Jeer about today?