In the interest of full disclosure, I am a black person of African American descent. I have light skin, "exotic" features and wear my hair in long dreadlocks. My husband is white and he is allowed to touch my hair.
I believe that there are some white people who are going to have a very hard time adjusting to an Obama presidency. I’m not talking about hard-core racists. They are too busy ironing their sheets and soaking crosses in gasoline to learn how to use the typewriter with the teevee on top. They are already a lost cause and need to die already. I don’t think too many of them are on Daily Kos. The few that are here stopped reading this post at "I am a bla—". I am talking about the moderately racist person, the kind of person who "just isn’t comfortable with Obama because.....". The kind of nice, intelligent person who does not think that they are racist at all.
Last night my husband and I went to a fancy-pants Latino political event. It cost 200 bucks per person. (My husband’s boss gave us the tickets.) Both of our state gubernatorial candidates, plus sports figures, business tycoons and other celebrity type characters were there. The place was lousy with Republicans.
I was not about to engage anyone in a political discussion because I am so angry at that I would start any exchange with: "Why are Republicans so intent on destroying our country?" and the conversation would proceed from there.
So I was in search of someone to chat with in Spanish, figuring that since my campo-based language ability was limited to discussions about crops, weather, health and children, I could not get into too much trouble.
Surprisingly, there were very few people who wanted to speak Spanish. Lou Dobbs and his ilk would have us believe that American English is a nearly dead language like ancient Etruscan, due to the influence of the dreaded Latinos, but many of the second and third generation Hispanics at the event preferred to use English.
I finally found someone talking in Spanish, and she turned out to be a white lady of Scottish ancestry who happened to be a Spanish instructor. She was also moderately racist.
I knew this because after five minutes, she had switched to English to inform me of her views on race, intelligence and IQ. The Jews, the Chinese and of course, the Scottish were genetically the most intelligent.
I remarked diplomatically that a lot of that was due to selective immigration, but she went on as if she had not heard me. She informed me that she was anti-Islam "because of how they treat the women" and then asked me if I was a Muslim.
I told her I was not, but that I taught courses on the Middle East. I said Islam was not much different from other religions in its treatment of women. She ignored that and continued on about cultures that were more advanced, like the Central Europeans.
I figured I knew where this was probably going. Sooner or later it would come around to Obama. She was going to explain that she was just not comfortable with him because.......I prepared myself to give my polite "defense of Obama" speech.
I knew she was sixteen kinds of wackadoodle, but I did not want to offend anyone who might be a friend of a friend of my husband’s boss.
But she threw me for a loop. She told me she thought I was beautiful and asked me what my nationality was. I told her I was American. Then the clincher. She reached over and stroked my hair.
"This kind of hair is so wonderful," she said, repeatedly lifting my dreadlocks and letting them drop. "Not everyone’s hair can grow so long. How long have you been growing yours?" "Eight years," I said between clenched teeth.
I can’t remember what she said next, because my husband swooped in and rescued me before I sucker punched the bee-atch. He probably had a nightmare vision of two grown women with PhD's on the floor scrabbling and fighting in our evening clothes. "I heard her start in on the hair thing," he whispered, escorting me to our dinner table. "But I couldn't believe it when she actually reached for your dreads."
I was so enraged I could not see straight. What is it with some white people and the hair? Do ordinary black people go around touching strange white folks’ hair? That is not the first time it has happened, not by a long shot.
When I wore my hair shaved close in a Caesar, strange white people touched it. When I wore my hair in cornrows, strange white people touched it. My white college students have touched my hair.
It has been happening my whole life and I cannot get used to it. When a white person I don’t know touches my hair, it is as if a big neon RACIST sign just appeared over their head.
I know I should come up with a better response, like screaming as though I have been electrocuted. Or grabbing a handful of their hair and refusing to let go until police have been summoned.
It is as though some white people think black folks like being patted like stray puppies. I have heard an old southern belief that it is good luck for a white person to touch a black person’s hair. It is only good luck if you think being cursed out or slapped silly is good luck.
Listen up: if you are white and want to touch a black person’s hair, and you do not personally know any black people, you have to cultivate a black friend.
Get to know the person, hang out, and after you have been friends for a few months or years, you will either have gotten over the desire to randomly touch their hair, or they will be fine with letting you randomly touch their hair.
You are not allowed to touch the hair of any black person unless it is your very own black person. Got it?
So, ahem. Obama is going to be our next president. He is the most intelligent, well-spoken, thoughtful and educated person we have had in that office for generations. He is exactly the kind of person the Founding Daddies had in mind when they created the job—a legal scholar and constitutional expert, for shit’s sake!
So to all the people who are not "comfortable" with him, too bad. And keep your hands off his hair.