Ten minutes ago, I sat here in my super liberal apartment with my cat Rufus. My other cat, Marty, is hiding under the bed because she's lazy and living off the government. Which is me. Giving her Cat Chow.
Anyway, I temporarily ignored the text messages from the DNC urging me to take up arms against the government (I hear helicopters!) to watch a little cable news. I turned on CNN, which I feel is kind of like the Chef Salad of networks. Because, usually, the salad pieces are so big that if you don't like a certain part, you can just pick it up and throw it against my copy of the Declaration of Independence. Because like all good Dems, I hate this country and I routinely throw less than desirable chunks of salad at historical documents.
Except for The Nuge.
And the fact that McCain rallies are turning into Ted Nugent concerts.
But really, I hate Ted Nugent. Whether it be his penchant for hats with safari brims or shirts with no sleeves, I can't stand the guy. A few years ago, my friend got free tickets to a concert of his at the nearby Alpine Valley. For some strange reason (probably masochistic curiosity), we decided to attend even though I personally don't like a single Nugent song. Except for Cat Scratch Fever.
Kidding! That song sucks too, bro!
Anyway, we're at the concert and the Nuge is rocking as hard as he can. Hair is flying, riffs are aplenty, and all of the wingers around me are happily slapping their pasty forearms together in ignorant glee.
The Nuge emerges after one song wielding a machine gun in each arm, making vague threats at Governor Jim Doyle. Democrats were mocked and ridiculed repeatedly. My head exploded a little bit, but I got new a sweet new hairdo that kind of makes the wound sexy. Honest!
After every moronic remark, my fellow concertgoers could not contain their satisfaction. Each insult by The Nuge was met with a spattering of whoops and a spackling of hollers. Odd applause greeted every "witty" put-down. Not a resounding applause, but like a couple groups started to applaud but nobody else applauded at the same time so they returned to their loaded baked potatoes. Heh, Potatoe. Heh, Quayle. Or was it Tomatoe? Am I the one messing up insults now?
Watching the recent McCain rally in Wisconsin was like a weird acid flashback. Have I been here before? I think I would have remembered getting in the DeLorean, but maybe I suffered the same fate as Jennifer!
Was this a political rally for a presidential candidate or a concert for a washed-up marginalized musician/activist/total-headcase?
Am I honestly seeing the same reaction for a man running for the highest office in the land that I saw at a concert featuring a man shooting arrows onstage? Am I going completely out of my mind?!