Yes, it’s back!! This is the final version of an evolving diary that I’ve posted 2-3 times before; for this, the final edition, I’ve updated it to include some of the new players in this, the most surreal Presidential campaign I’ve seen to date!
The only rule I made for myself is to take it seriously—no cartoon characters, no dead actors; all of the choices have to be current, professional film or TV actors. Feel free to toss your own ideas into the ring; I know that I’m way off on at least some of my choices, but what the hell...
The Democrats:
Barack Obama: Everyone will automatically think Denzel Washington, but he doesn’t really resemble Obama (aside from being, you know, black). I’m not thrilled about going with Will Smith, but let’s face it, he’s got the ears for it, and if he could pull off Muhammed Ali (with the help of a LOT of prosthetics), why not? I can’t actually think of any popular actor who strongly resembles Obama naturally—no doubt partially due to his biracial heritage. His head is long and egg-shaped. Any other suggestions?
Michelle Obama: Alfre Woodard, no question. They don't really look that much alike, and Woodard's skin is lighter, but they have the same commanding presence and sense of impassioned urgency in their voices (I'm a big fan of Woodard, as you can tell). Alternate choice: Penny Johnson Jerald, aka Sherry Palmer from 24 (yeah, she turned out to be eeevil, but she also played the wife of the first black President (who also happened to be a Democrat), so it’d be appropriate on many levels. Angela Bassett has the right presence, but looks even less like Michelle than the other two.
Joe Biden: In the earlier version of this diary, I cast Sam Waterston as both Biden as well as Chris Dodd, but someone at a different website pointed out a far better choice for the next Vice-President: Craig T. Nelson! Not only does he have the right look and voice, but he has the perfect menacing-but-friendly presence to fit the bill!
Hillary Clinton: Emma Thompson pretty much played Hillary in "Primary Colors" awhile back, but she never did really resemble her. Meryl Streep already played a Hillary-like character in the (terrible) remake of The Manchurian Candidate a few years back, but Glenn Close is the more obvious choice, as Canadian Noise noted.
Bill Clinton: On the other hand, John Travolta was dead-on as Bill ("Jack Stanton") in "Primary Colors" .
John Edwards: Hmmm...Gary Cole, perhaps (just remember to fix your TPS report), or possibly James Marsden if they did the aging makeup properly. I dunno...
Elizabeth Edwards: This one’s easy: Melissa Gilbert. Dead ringer.
Bill Richardson: He’s actually another tough one for me to cast. If he was willing to shave for once, I could perhaps see Luis Guzman. Enough prosthetics and, amazingly, Antonio Banderas might actually pull off a “Charlize-Theron-in-Monster” style surprise performance. Hmmmm...
Chris Dodd: Chris Dodd will be portrayed by...Mr. Unity himself, Sam Waterston.
Dennis Kucinich: Another tough one...I dunno, Edward Norton comes to mind a bit, mostly due to his hair and beady eyes (and his “skinny guy” image in most of his movies, American History X notwithstanding).
Elisabeth Kucinich: Laura Prepon (“That 70’s Show”)
Mike Gravel: Christopher Lloyd (no “crazy Doc Brown” comments, please; whatever image Gravel may have now, I do have a lot of respect for his service—he’s the guy who leaked the Pentagon Papers, as I understand it.)
The Republicans:
John McCain: Believe it or not, Jerry Doyle (Michael Garibaldi on Babylon 5) would be a dead ringer with a few aging prosthetics. Interesting sidenote: Doyle ran for Congress as a Republican in 2000, but later left the party to become an independent (big shocker these days, I know).
Cindy McCain: OK, I’m stealing this one from another site as well: Nicolette Sheridan would be perfect, in both appearance as well as, I think, her Desperate Housewives persona (at least, according to the half-episode I saw once...I’m not all that familiar with the show).
Sarah Palin: Um, duh...
Todd Palin: Next time some wingnut starts ranting about all liberals being “goateed” latte-sippers, remind them that their beloved wannabe Second Dude is a dead ringer for Democratic country music star (and fellow goatee-wearer) Tim McGraw.
Bristol Palin: OK, a cheap shot, but it was too obvious to resist (and her mother’s the one who thrust her into the spotlight, not me): Ellen Page. Juno/Juneau. How could I not?
Mike Huckabee: Here's a creepy, but appropriate one: Gregory Itzin, who played Veep/Pres. Charles Logan on the last couple of seasons of "24". Several people have suggested the even more obvious: Kevin Spacey.
Rudy Giuliani: Another tough one. The closest I can come up with at the moment is Paul Giamatti. Plus, their names are really close to each other :)
Fred Dalton Thompson: Fred Dalton Thompson. Not much of a challenge, but then again, Fred doesn't seem to be have much of a work ethic anyway...
Ron Paul: OK, this is another big stretch, but dare I suggest...Robin Williams (again, with some aging makeup)?
Mitt Romney: 30 years ago, George Hamilton. Today...Chuck Woolery. Yeah, I know I said I was trying to be serious about these casting choices, but in his case I can’t help myself; the man IS a human cartoon. As David Letterman put it, “Mitt Romney looks like the American president in a Canadian movie.”
Sam Brownback, Jim Gilmore, Duncan Hunter, Tom Tancredo, Tommy Thompson and Tom Vilsack: Um...who cares?
In addition, here’s a few of the campaign staff bit players for the hell of it:
David Axelrod played by William Daniels of St. Elsewhere and Boy Meets World fame (trivia bit: he was also the voice of KITT in Knight Rider!)
Terry McAuliffe played by Christopher McDonald (he was the "I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast!" guy in Happy Gilmore)
Mark Penn: This is a huge insult to the actor, but I can only picture Phillip Seymour Hoffman in this role...
Got any more I forgot? Better suggestions for the ones already listed? Feel free to list ‘em below...