Johnston speaks on Bristol Palin, Obama and baby
Ohh god I need your help Kossians, I just feel trapped. Does anybody have a float plane within range of me? I'll be at end of portage trail on Cottonwood lake at 2:30 am which is the earliest I can sneek out. Those bastard state stormtroopers have been "guarding" me for weeks now. Don't those guys know you can't stop a fucking redneck?
You've got to be careful though, Miss Alaska runner-up (2nd place is the first loser!) has got those fuckers scared of being fired. I wouldn't give a shit but now that one of my swimmers hit home (who doesn't shoot blanks?... Me!!) the family of assholes now thinks I'm some fucking camera slave. Like my beautiful cut chin is made for them. Like a week ago, Grandpa Todd comes over and tells me the Republican shit-lawyers are going to talk me up for an interview.
"Don't use the word fuck."
"Keep a low profile."
"Don't tell more then the bare humble minimum." Humble? How many of those worms knocked up a VP's underage daughter and got millions of people to smile about it! Their just lucky I don't live in Washington D.C. or else i'd knock up their daughters too.
But the fuckers kept hounding me. After a while it just gets old. I told them that I would fucking perform but that they needed to get off my back.
Those shit-lawyers get scarier by the minute though. The moment you meet them you know they are fake fucks. Smiling and laying on charm like they're my friends and then slowly closing the noose around me: 'say this' and 'say that' until the only thing I could think of was my shotgun. But then they keep going and going and you realize that they ain't going to stop or budge or care. It's like they are the morphing shape-shifting Terminators, they just keep morphing into the next thing that you could care about so that you'll do what they say. If I shot one I honestly think the buckshot would just disappear into their bodies and they'd keep talking. Crazy fucks I tell you.
Finally after endless days of "media training" Adam Goldman comes in, nice enough guy, and I deliver my lines.
Goldman: You getting a shotgun wedding
"None of that's true, We both love each other. We both want to marry each other. And that's what we are going to do."
You think I want to get married? I'm a man, I'll take care of my kid. But married? Joining that family is crazy. Sarah thinks she's smarter then everyone, Todd thinks he can bully me, sure they got money but that just makes them arrogant. They don't love, they just conquer. We're sure as hell going to live somewhere else, I hang out with them i'll become like them.
Goldman: Why talk now?
"Didn't the suits tell you?"
Goldman: yeah, that part of the story is already written for me. He agreed to talk despite the presidential campaign's advice in the days following Gov. Sarah Palin's nomination to avoid the media. That make sense?
"Sure"
Goldman: Is the McCain crew keeping you in the loop?
NO, those suits give me a blackberry as a fucking dog collar, tell me when to eat shit sleep. "They're not telling me anything right now, it's pretty chill"
Goldman: Was it a surprise to learn of the pregnancy
"I was initially shocked but I quickly realized how wonderful life is in that I will be a father. I'm looking forward to having him. I'm going to take him hunting and fishing. He'll be everywhere with me."
This question made me puke. This is the line I hate those fucking suits for making me say. Maybe to dumbass richie jerks from perfect neighborhoods think a baby is a sure thing. But lots of babies don't make it, I've seen miscarriages and I ain't going to fuck up Bs or my mental state by jinxing it. We're not buying baby clothes, no cribs, no nothing until after the birth. To make me say that, those fuckers have no soul.
Me: "Listen, my myspace was a joke my friends did a few years back" "We were planning on getting married a long time ago with or without the kid, That was the plan from the start."
bs, I was just being stupid and because that's what every guy says, and it feels so much better without the condom. Listen, I ain't no punk but for the next few months, the bed is going to be creaking. After that condoms
Goldman: Have you dropped out of high school to take a job on the North Slope oil fields as an apprentice electrician electrician?
Me: "yes"
Goldman: "The wedding?"
As late as possible so that I can think of something to get out of this. I got girls all over me and I just thought she was the first step. I'll man up but man I'm turning my back on these girls.
Goldman: "You hunt?"
"Yes and I am good looking so i should be on the cover of Field & Stream"
Goldman: "You pressured?"
"No, not at all."
It was great fun to meet tons of people who think I'm an ignorant red neck. Even though I know my rocks in life and they are just adrift. Like Cindy McCain, she can only trust her children and clings to the hope of a marriage.
"At first, I was nervous, Then I was like, 'Whatever.'"
Goldman: "You changed?"
"I'm still the same old boy, I'm just a workin' man.
Goldman: "You prepared?"
"We're up for it. I'm excited to have my first kid. It's going to be a lot of hard work but we can handle it."
Goldman: "The Obama?"
"I don't know anything about him. He seems like a good guy. I like him."
Goldman: "Governor Palin?"
"I just hope she wins, She's my future mother-in-law. She better win."
And then the fucker asked if I vote, but my handlers just ended the interview there. Thank God it was over. I'm not a fucking MP3 to produce the sounds you want to hear.
LIsten I don't care about voting cause it's always the same dumbfucks in charge. Sarah is just crazier then the rest. Although she's smoking hot. One time it was the earlier morning and I thought the parents were gone and B was in front of the sink I crept up behind her and slapped her ass with both hands and then nibbled on her ear. It turned out it was Sarah. It got her horny but I got the hell out of there. B could have walked in on us.
My gun is more powerful then my vote, anybody fuck me, including Sarah, and I'll vote as many times as I need to.
And I'll come back for the kid. I swear. Even B understands. She wants to come too but that won't work. I'm 18. I deserve a chance to figure this out. And the goons won't let me out of their fucking sight.
So I'm sneaking out tonight. If nobody picks me up I'll just hike South. It's getting cold but Hunters can make it happen. I'll roam for a couple weeks, wait for the election to end, and then reconnect.
but it would be better if someone came and got me. I'll be at end of portage trail on Cottonwood lake at 2:30 am until 4 am.
I'll be at end of portage trail on Cottonwood lake at 2:30 am until 4 am......
...I'll be at end of portage trail on Cottonwood lake at 2:30 am until 4 am or maybe later if someone comes get me...
...I'll be at end of portage trail on Cottonwood lake at 2:30 am until 4 am...
...We were planning on getting married a long time ago with or without still the same old boy, I'm just a workin' future mother-in-law. She better each other. We both want to marry each other. And that's what we are going to do... Fucking John McCain, because of him I'm losing my fucking mind