Welcome to Things That Don't Really Matter, my humorous take on all things political.
Joe Knows Politics
Lets get right to it. Firstly, we were all touched when Senator John McCain mentioned Mr. Joe Plumber of Ohio during last night's debate, so we here at TTDRM (That being me cuz I'm the only one here) decided to hop in to the Matter-mobile and have a chat with this undecided voter. First we went to his house but his wife advised us he was out on a call, when asked who her husband was supporting Mrs. Plumber stated she believed Joe was leaning towards Obama.
After a bit of searching around town we tracked down Joe, out on a plumbing call just as his wife said to a place that according to Joe was "full of shit."
When we asked Mr. Plumber who he was voting for he pulled out his revolver and told us it was none of our damn business and then started talking about his crush on Ronald Reagan for no real reason. When asked what issues were important to him he relented somewhat, talking about the war on terror, how terrible social security was and how he hated being forced in to it, how big government was responsible for killing his goldfish, how he is vehemently opposed to abortion under any circumstance, and other Centerist positions.
After this we decided to try to get to know the man behind the mask so we asked him to tell us about himself, he told us he was a plumber, was really looking forward to doing some traveling to Alaska and Arizona, when we mentioned that those where the two state the Republican ticket were based out of he said something about visiting all the states in Alphabetical order.
Lapel Pins? We Don't Need No Stinkin Lapel Pins!
You may remember the Republicans constant questioning of Barack Obama's patriotism for such incidents as not placing his hand over his heart during the pledge of allegiance, and refusing to wear an American flag lapel pin for some time. However during last night's debate we noticed something odd considering this line of argument used by the Republicans.
Here we see Senator Obama wearing a lapel pin.
And here we see Senator McCain not wearing a lapel pin.
Now we here at TTDRM are very skeptical that man with such a long and patriotic career such as Senator McCain's would fail to wear an American flag on his person. So we called up that place that got the overhead projector McCain harped about and they sent us out a XRayo-tron 6000 to see if we could find McCain's lapel pin.
Ah, there it is. Man it's a big one too! Senator McCain obviously pinned the flag right to his chest so it would be closer to his heart than his opponents. A cunning move by the brilliant strategist McCain. But wait, what's that on his right side? Charlie, can we zoom in on that?
Is that a... Is that a Betamax tape? Didn't they become obsolete in like the 80's? And what's the name of the tape? I can't quite make it out... Oh well, maybe the good Senator will mention it during one of his campaign stops with his soul running mate. However back to the political aspect, it's clear that there is no man more patriotic than John McCain. Also he was a POW in Vietnam has he mentioned that?
Ever See that Arnold Schwarzenegger Movie, The Running Man?
Hey title guy, what the Hell does that have to do with Running Mates? I really gotta fire that guy. In any event part of the debate last night was devoted to the Running Mates, and more specifically how qualified each man thought their opponent's running mate was. While McCain stayed to his overall theme of obviously attacking the Obama-Biden ticket all night long, the Senator from Illinois chose a different tactic, instead being much more subliminal about his attacks. Nowhere was this more evident than this moment:
Senator Obama surreptitiously relates how many brain cells he thinks his opponent's running mate has.
It Ain't Over Till It's Over, Over, and a 10-4 Good Buddy!
In the aftermath of the debate and the Liberal Media (including those Marxists over at Fox News) declaring Obama the winner times look tough for the McCain campaign, however throughout it all the Senator from Arizona seemed to not be worried, that was until this moment:
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN THE ELECTORAL COLLEGE DOESN'T USE GOLF SCORING RULES!?!?"
Ok, so I stole that joke from Stephen Colbert, but it's still funny. :D
And Finally...
Finally today I'm going to show a picture of Rachel Maddow. Why you may ask? She's cute. DUH?