Hey kiddies! Uncle Ronin is here out of boredom to write a non-diary for you. Since we are starting to get inundated with lots of non-diaries, and I sadly have little else to contribute, I thought I could do everyone a favor and just make one big non-diary on all the non-diary topics all at once. That way, I say what every non-diarist wants to say on all topics in one place for everyone's convenience and so I don't have to read the same crap all day. And sorry for the caps, but hey they make things much more fun don't they?
OMGz an outlier poll with bad internals (and maybe even an old poll or perhaps a rumor) shows Obama only ahead by 1-2 points! Forget the fact that it said there were more Republicans than Democrats and was a likely voter model that threw out tons of Obama voters and that the same article had Obama ahead by more than 4 points, TIME TO PANIC!!!!! I know, outlier bu...bu...but outliers exist (no shit, by definition) and they can be telling you know (because obviously the worst and best case scenarios are the most likely ones, forget the averages), and you know, ten points down and all!
MCCAIN IS BEATING OBAMA BY 3 POINTS (or, alternatively, WITH 271 ELECTORAL VOTES)! ON ELECTION DAY! 2 WEEKS BEFORE ELECTION DAY! Disclaimer: this is false but this "could" happen if you all keep being this complacent like you already won it and it's obvious your confidence means you stopped working hard to win. DON'T YOU KNOW WE HAVE TO FIGHT LIKE WE'RE DOWN BY TEN!?
The Democrats are leading very high in the polls, so THIS MUST BE HORRIBLE FOR OBAMA and/or THE DOWNTICKET DEMOCRATS!
Did you hear about the outlier poll? THIS IS DISTURBING!
Someone said something stupid and I have to tell you about it, even though I have barely any names if at all, no video/audio and definitely no quote. But hey it'll push down that useful diary about Prop 8!
Barack HUSSEIN Osama r terrierist who has ghey sex0rz with Karl Marx lol. Why does he hate Amurika? WHITEY WHITEY! (Hey trolls need some representing too).
DISCREDITED AND DEBUNKED OUTLIER POLL DIARIED 1000 TIMES MAKES MY HANDS WRING SO I MUST MAKE IT 1002 (someone else will have done one right before me)!!!!
WE'RE LOSING IN A HYPOTHETICAL POLL IN MY MIND SO I CAN SCARE YOU INTO WORKING HARDER THAN YOU ALREADY ARE even though most of you already are about at your limits.
COMPLACENCY COMPLACENCY IS NO NO AND BAD. I DON'T REALLY SEE IT BUT HEY I SEE CONFIDENCE SO IT MUST BE A BAD THING!!!
Why isn't Obama doing enough with regards to something that he either already has getting taken care of or is just a product of my armchair campaigning because you know I didn't beat Hillary nor am winning an election currently but that just means I'm not an elitist real-American and thus I know what I'm talking about (yeah sorry this is a mix of real stuff with satirizing the Right Wing).
Vote for Ralph Nader or Ron Paul, preferably both. (Haven't seen a Nader troll lately, but you never know....)
And last but not least:
Oh Noes!!! Two outlier polls say we're winning but not by too much (very suspect undecideds and internals but hey why rationalize when we can flail). Also Nickelodeon's freeped Kids pick the Pres. poll has us winning only 51-49, this must be serious troubles!
And yes I do recognize the irony that this piece of crap probably bumped an informative diary off the list. I'll try to time posting this when the current list seems like it wouldn't do as much damage, which is perhaps an irony of a non-diary in itself.
Oh yeah, PLEASE REC THIS PEICE (sic) OF SHIT! PLEASE SPREAD THE WORD! (but only if you want to, frankly I don't recommend it as I kinda like the diaries on the rec list even though a few have been there a little too long now).