I simply don't know what to do with myself. I've cleaned the house, did my wash, cooked a hearty meal for tonight and have for some stupid, irrational reason keep checking Pollster.com, 538, Huffington Post and Daily Kos in a loop like a computer gone wild. I can not take anymore days off this week. How in the hell did an old burned out cynic get into this state? It's all because of that skinny kid with a funny name.
Change in this country is a process of painful slowness. I, like many my age, had given up on idealism and the feelings that were circulated around in my youth. Not totally but these themes had become secondary. I look back in wonder of those times and remember the era of miniskirts, rock festivals, and the dawning of the birth control pill and what that had meant to a young man of the time. The war protests, the music, the thought that the we were going to change the world. Those times make up for Karaoke Nights and reality television and the right wing Christians taking over politics that I have had to endure in adulthood. I settled into a comfortable little life a totally political cynic and proud of it. I described myself as a Libertarian moving toward becoming a complete anarchist. Then out of nowhere it happened.
I was reading a Jonathan Kellerman novel with the television on in 2004. A guy was introduced that I had never heard of and started to speak. I was in a good part of the novel but the words from the television man caught my attention. I put down the book. When this man declared:
When we send our young men and women into harm's way, we have a solemn obligation not to fudge the numbers or shade the truth about why they're going, to care for their families while they're gone, to tend to the soldiers upon their return, and to never ever go to war without enough troops to win the war, secure the peace, and earn the respect of the world.
Wow, what is this? The book dropped to the floor. Then he continued:
John Kerry believes in America. And he knows it's not enough for just some of us to prosper. For alongside our famous individualism, there's another ingredient in the American saga.
A belief that we are connected as one people. If there's a child on the south side of Chicago who can't read, that matters to me, even if it's not my child. If there's a senior citizen somewhere who can't pay for her prescription and has to choose between medicine and the rent, that makes my life poorer, even if it's not my grandmother. If there's an Arab American family being rounded up without benefit of an attorney or due process, that threatens my civil liberties. It's that fundamental belief -- I am my brother's keeper, I am my sisters' keeper -- that makes this country work. It's what allows us to pursue our individual dreams, yet still come together as a single American family. "E pluribus unum." Out of many, one.
I stand up fully attentive now and he hits me with this:
Yet even as we speak, there are those who are preparing to divide us, the spin masters and negative ad peddlers who embrace the politics of anything goes. Well, I say to them tonight, there's not a liberal America and a conservative America -- there's the United States of America. There's not a black America and white America and Latino America and Asian America; there's the United States of America. The pundits like to slice-and-dice our country into Red States and Blue States; Red States for Republicans, Blue States for Democrats. But I've got news for them, too. We worship an awesome God in the Blue States, and we don't like federal agents poking around our libraries in the Red States. We coach Little League in the Blue States and have gay friends in the Red States. There are patriots who opposed the war in Iraq and patriots who supported it. We are one people, all of us pledging allegiance to the stars and stripes, all of us defending the United States of America.
Who in the fuck is this guy? I want instant replay. I want to hear it again. I flash back to the past and see and hear Robert Kennedy speaking in South Africa on my birthday, June 6, 1966, when he gave the most idealistic, hopeful speech in modern politics. This guy who described himself as a skinny kid with a funny name was saying similar things but with more passion. I didn't return to the book that night.
In the days after this I found out that this guy had spoken out against the Iraq War and used the same arguments that I had used in a discussion with two of my friends in a Chinese Restaurant's Bar. I can still remember the conversation:
"Well, I am a simple man and believe that if someone punches you in the mouth you punch them right back." was Cowboy Tim's comment.
"But they aren't the ones who attacked us, Goddamn it. If they do this war it will be another Vietnam and Iraq will just fracture into two or three countries."
"Oh, we've got to take them on," said Bobby my card dealer buddy.
"But what about all the civilians we will kill if we bomb them?"
"Bush said it will be a safe war and they won't kill civilians." Bobby answered.
"It will be a big mistake, you wait," said I.
I am not happy I was correct but it didn't matter. Somehow this country of morons reelected a dry drunk fake Texas cowboy who claimed to be religious while killing tens of thousands. One of my friend's kid came back with part of an arm missing and another one got hospitalized for mental illness and has never been the same. I remember that in 2004 nine hundred kids had been killed and now the figure is 4,188. More on that in another diary. So, I became even more cynical about politics. But I did keep following this guy named Barack Obama. I bought and read his books and was impressed.
I was interested and shocked when he announced that he was going to run for President. Yeah, right, a part black guy getting elected in this racist country? Dream on. He can't defeat the Clinton machine. Boom! The Iowa results. His amazingly inspiring speech. He lost in New Hampshire and a battle royal ensued. Things looked good after Oprah and Marie Shriver, spoke in L.A. and Stevie Wonder came out and sang. Ted Kennedy threw his support to him. Super Tuesday came and I thought he was gone when he lost California. But he pulled a series of upsets elsewhere and the day was a draw. The "Yes, we Can!" speech, the "Fired Up, Ready to Go!" Ten victories in a row, cussing Hillary for hanging on for so long, turning off the television whenever the Wright loops started on all the channels. His great speech on race. Finally, the impossible. He was the nominee.
Then, all the cable shows that I watched while throwing stuff at the tv when they kept on with the Clinton stuff for way too long.
Hillary came through with a wonderful speech at the convention that made me love her. Bill Clinton and Joe Biden did great. Barack gave one of the best all-time political speeches in front of 75,000 and we were off and running.
Then McCain and his representatives for the status quo showed up. I swore off any Law and Order Shows with Fred Thompson in them and even spit on the television screen when that traitor Lieberman spoke. And that silly stupid Alaskan woman spoke and everyone went goofy. I really got involved when Palin was announced and I found she had gone to school here in my work town.
I started writing for an anti-Palin site called Impalin, and wrote forty articles on this unprepared Christian nutcase. I started wearing my Obama shirt to football games and around town. I talked with ninety-four people in this ruby red state. I kept track. I may have convinced a few to vote for Barack. This has been like watching a 21-inning baseball game where a runner is on every half inning and you are on the edge of your seat hoping for the key hit from your team.
Now, it's seven days--seven slow, slow, slow days. With painful slowness I look forward to a new dawn for my country. I guess I can make it for another week. After all, I have waited 40 years. I look forward to getting the latest Kellerman novel, shutting off the television and making a toast of red wine to this skinny kid with the funny name who turned my life upside down and somehow became President of the United States.
Sources--type in Robert Kennedy+ripple of hope and listen to his speech if you have the time. Go to PBS and type Obama-2004 speech.