I really needed to delete and edit this one. When I wrote it way back when I had zero concept of systemic racism. My husband was never overt. He would shock me by making a comment about an interracial couple walking down the street or something similar. He would NEVER consider himself a racist. But after getting to know his family down South I really saw some of their attitudes peeking out on him. The issue was when I called him out he was confused! He would give the old notion of black boys like blond girls. It took quite some time to get him to really look at why this was racist. I rented one of our apartments to two black brothers and that was non issue but then something else would pop out. Usually about interracial couples.
I always felt he might be hiding some deeper prejudice because he didn't want to get smackled! Then Obama came into the Picture. I honestly thought he was going to have a negative reaction to him. I know all his Virginia relatives sure did and they were not quiet about the reasons why! But he loved him! When I acted surprised he was confused. In all honesty he was dumbfounded. I guess I was the one who was truly confused. How can you express intolerance on some things and not others?
Over the last decade or so we have both become much more aware of these ideas that seem harmless until you really sit with them. We have both been pretty dedicated to rooting them out and talking things over. Like blaming people for eating unhealthy food and realizing it's because there is no grocery store in the neighbourhood. That 'All lives matter' is racist bullshit. Well, you probably have the picture. In short my husband is 75 now. I truly believe if he had stayed in the orbit of his family who would be a long bearded big bellied Fox watcher. And he agrees. I consider us both works in progress but I have to give my guy props.
Visiting Virginia in the 80's and 90's was like jumping in a time capsule. 85 yo man moving off the sidewalk to let a younger white man stay on. Elderly men calling me Miss. White men addressing them like they were still 'the master'. It was shocking and confusing. Overcoming these ideas that you spend your whole childhood being indoctrinated in isn't easy. But I think it is incumbent on every white person, especially we older ones to do the hard work on this one. It can be painful, embarrassing and not comfortable but it is so worth it. We have two grandsons who are totally without prejudice and we are so proud of them. And we keep plugging along striving to do better. Everyone should.