From the Dissociated Mess:
Defiance, OH
Republican Presidential Nominee Sen. John McCain unveiled a new strategy against his Democratic opponent, Sen. Barack Obama. Speaking before a crowded park bench, Mr. McCain had this to say:
As any of us who has played blackjack or slots at a casino knows, when you're winning, the best strategy is to quit while you are ahead. My rival is clearly winning this election. As such, I call on him today to do the responsible thing and quit while he is ahead.
Senior advisors to Sen. McCain were surprised at the new strategy. A senior McCain campaign official was overheard saying: "this is almost as good an idea as his decision to choose that whack job as his running mate." Requests for comment were not immediately returned by the McCain campaign.
Sen. Obama's campaign had no official comment. However sources within the campaign did send their best wishes and hopes for a speedy recovery from whatever illness the Senator from Arizona may be suffering to Mr. McCain and his family.
When asked for comment about the new strategy, Gov. Palin stated that she didn't know that presidential elections could be won through games of chance and wondered if the election could be secured through success at shooting targets with a BB gun at a county fair booth, adding, "if that's the case then, gee golly, we've got this one in the bag! Just tell me where to go!"