I thought I'd take this here opportunity to chat with you all about last night's election results. The Democrat party today has a clear and growing majority in the House and with 59 seats, they also got a lasso around the Senate.
I'd like to congratulate Senator Obama on his most convincing victory and recognize Senator McCain for his long hard fought losin battle against tall odds.
The American people have spoken and it's time for the Democrats to take the wheel for the next few years.
Before I leave office, I would like to apologize to the American people for being such a crappy president. Hell, I never even enjoyed being president, except for getting to wear the seal and having everybody hop to when I snap my fingers. It's way too many meetings, too many headaches, and not enough time to ride my bike. Honestly, I gonna be glad to go. Being responsible for everything is hard work, especially if you screw it up. Last year I've started having these bad dreams about things I could'a done better. Like Katrina and Iraq and the economy....
What turned me on was running for president. Me and turd blossom were a team. We really ran circles around those stupid donkeys.
Oh, where was I?
I'm looking forward to many the years ahead of riding my bike but the thought of being a disgraced former president gives me the creeps. It's not going to be easy living down the terrible job I've done.
So here's the deal.
I'm gonna pull the plug on this former president crap.
I don't need a Presidential Library. Hell I don't even read books. All that favorite book stuff was a BS list from Karl.
I don't want to roped into any former president events with Bill, Pops and Jimmy.
I don't give a crap about doin' good or a thousand points of light.
I could care less about peace, the environment, or world hunger, now that there are no more votes for me in it.
What I really want is just to be left alone.
So I won't have to be reminded of what a crappy president I was.
When I leave this office, the next time you see a picture of me, it'll be through a telephoto lens.
This cowboy is riding off into the sunset.