F/X HEARTWARMING PIANO MUSIC
(Video of the Daily Show, SNL, etc.)
NARRATOR: Over the last two years, we’ve enjoyed a lot of laughs. John McCain and Sarah Palin have provided endless fodder for stand-up comedians, political cartoonists, and Saturday Night Live. Indeed, this political race has provided a bumper crop of badly-needed comedy to the American People.
FX SCARY PIANO MUSIC
(Grainy B&W picture of Obama with a frowny, serious face)
NARRATOR: But now, Barack Obama threatens to endanger the livelihood of political cartoonists with a victory in the race for U.S. president.
(Grainy B&W Picture of Obama looking like a vampire)
NARRATOR: Obama would provide this country with serious leadership. Too serious.
(Video of Obama at a rally)
SOT/CROWD (Half speed, so it sounds all evil and demonic): Yes we can! Yes we can!
NARRATOR: Obama inspires people with his speeches, just like another famous historical figure.
(Grainy B&W Picture of Obama shaking hands with Hitler)
(Grainy B&W Picture of a homeless man with sign: WILL JOKE FOR FOOD)
NARRATOR: Obama’s sound judgement and level-headed style of diplomacy would create a dangerous shortage of embarrassing gaffes, threatening the well-being of thousands of comedians.
(Grainy B&W Picture of an empty stage with an abandoned microphone)
F/X HEARTWARMING PIANO MUSIC
(Color Picture: McCain smiling)
NARRATOR: John McCain has a different promise for America.
(Color Pictures: McCain’s zombie lurch from the third debate, McCain’s angry grimace, etc)
NARRATOR: John McCain promises that he and Sarah Palin will continue to provide the country with the embarrassing moments, misstatements and faux pas that the American people have come to expect from their President after eight years of Bush.
(Color Picture: Palin winking)
NARRATOR: And these moments will provide the laughter that the American people need as we enter into a time of great uncertainty.
(Video: Daily Show: John Stewart can’t hold back the laughter – OTS Palin Wink)
SOT/CROWD: (Wild Laughter)
(Montage: famous comedians)
NARRATOR: This November, please, think of the comedians. Vote John McCain, because Obama’s only funny when he tries to be.
(Picture: McCain’s angry grimace)
MCCAIN: I’m John McCain and I approve of – HEY! HEY YOU KIDS! GET OFF MY LAWN!