Those of you that have seen the movie, "Plan 9 From Outer Space," or the movie about that movie, "Ed Wood," will recall the immortal words of Ed Wood as spoken by Criswell:
Greetings, my friend. We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives. And remember my friend, future events such as these will affect you in the future.
It doesn't get much much more accurate than that, does it. So in the true spirit of Woodsianism, allow me to present: 9 Predictions from Outer Someplace.
- November 5, 2008: 'Conservative' pundits will briefly and begrudgingly admit that it looks like Senator Obama may have won the (choose one: Electoral or Popular) vote. They will then point out that since the (choose one: Electoral or Popular) margin is smaller than the (choose the other: Popular or Electoral) margin, that is proof November 4 was a victory for 'conservatism.'
- The numbers on California Prop 8 and Massachusetts Prop 2 will be a BIG story on Fox, CNN, the AP, et al if: CA 8 passes and MA 2 does not. However should CA 8 be defeated and MA 2 pass, expect a virtual media blackout. Mixed results will be trotted out - somehow - as a victory for 'conservatism.'
- November 5, 2008 through January 19, 2009: Did you know that Senator Obama actually ran as a conservative? Expect to hear that a lot on cable and AM talk radio. Oh, and expect to hear from them that compromise and bi-partisanship are good things, despite what Grover - what was that last name again? - says.
- Nancy Pelosi will announce she guesses that since she didn't make her 2006 no-impeachment promise in the 2008 campaign, well then - gosh - impeachment must be back on the table.
- As soon as Mr. Bush has completed his end o' term pardons, Republicans will start to make noises about restoring the use of, "Non-Partisan Special Prosecutors" to be appointed by, "Strict-Constructionist Three Judge Panels."
- January 20, 2009: Did you know that the Democrat nominee that took the oath of office, ran as the most liberal candidate in the history of the world!!! Expect 'conservative' variations on that theme for the following 30 to 40 years. (Maybe longer, those folks are still ranting about Jimmy Carter.) To quote myself as I said to a cut'n'paste 'conservative' on another (mostly non-political) forum:
Even if the Democrats were to nominate and the country elect Attila the Hun and Vlad the Impaler as President and VP respectively, your side would still describe them as 'liberal.'
- Obama as President will disappoint you on something, and despite what is now acknowledged as the benefits to the Obama candidacy of having a tough primary, there will be a 'protective' on-line cadre of supporters that will tolerate no criticism of anything he does. Suggestions and recommendations from those not in the administration will be shot down by cadre members with the assurance that, "Obama knows what he is doing. Your input is neither needed nor welcome."
- Thanksgiving Day - 2008. Lots of people will be serving sweet potato pie for the first time. Sweet potato and yam prices will rise faster than an Ed Wood pie-pan flying saucer on a string.
- Thanksgiving Day - 2009. Lots of people will be back to serving pumpkin pie. It's probably for the best. After all, food-wise, there's not much else you would want to do with a pumpkin. A sweet potato, on the other hand, reaches culinary heights when it is simply poked with a fork, baked and then - on the plate - peeled and coarsely mashed with butter. (A little salt and pepper too.)
Now, it's off to vote. The lines should be down for a while.
PS, I have avoided using the 'P' word in front of Barack Obama's name because I'm a little (OK moderately) superstitious. After the election is called, I look forward to being able to use the 'P' word-Elect. And finally, (but only after the swearing-in) after eight long years, I look forward to being able to proudly call the man in the White House "Mister President." And I promise that if I'm ever served sweet potato pie - or pumpkin pie - at the White House (or at your house, for that matter) I'll eat it with gratitude and smile - as long as I can bury it in whipped cream.